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Superb answers to Why Aren't You Married Yet?

Дневник

Суббота, 12 Января 2013 г. 13:23 + в цитатник

You haven't asked yet.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

Because I just love hearing this question.

Just lucky, I guess.

It gives my mother something to live for.

My fiance is awaiting his/her parole.

I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?

I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

It didn't seem worth a blood test.

I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.

I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

They just opened a great singles bar on my block.

I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

Why aren't you thin?

I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

(Bonus reply for Single Mothers) Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.

 

 

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Two sides to a movie

Дневник

Среда, 26 Декабря 2012 г. 18:29 + в цитатник

On many U.S. Navy ships the movie screen is suspended amid-ship so that it can be viewed from both sides. This procedure makes it available to larger crowds at popular movies, but usually the junior officers get a reverse image from "the wrong side of the screen."

One evening at dinnertime an enterprising young ensign passed the following word over the officer's IMC circuit: "The movie to be shown in the wardroom tonight for the senior officers is on the right side of the screen - The Right-Handed Gun, starring Paul Newman."

"For the junior officers on the wrong side of the screen - The Left-Handed Gun, starring Namwen Luap."

 

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Light hearted humor about France

Дневник

Четверг, 20 Декабря 2012 г. 13:50 + в цитатник

Some light hearted humor related to France

1. An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French. Raise both hands if you are French.

2. How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb? One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

3. I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me.
- General George S. Patton

4. Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.
- Norman Scwartzkopf

5. Next time there's a war in Europe, the loser has to keep France.

 

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Drownology

Дневник

Понедельник, 10 Декабря 2012 г. 15:39 + в цитатник

An over-smart tourist was traveling by boat in Hong Kong.
he asked the boatman "Do you know how all life on earth came from the sea?"
Boatman: "No!"
Tourist: "Do you know Biology?"
Boatman: "No, Not much!"
Tourist: "Do you know anything about Psychology, Geography, or Geology?"
Boatman: "No"
Tourist: "Really!! Then What the hell do you know, do you want to die of illiteracy!"
After sometime, the boat started to sink, so the boatman asked the tourist :
Boatman: "Do you know Swimology & Escapology?"
The scared Tourist: "No!! why??"
Boatman: "Really!! Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology".

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Cover them too

Дневник

Понедельник, 03 Декабря 2012 г. 11:44 + в цитатник

Upon receiving several complaints of spellings, grammar and such other mistakes from readers in one newspaper, the editor put the following article in his editor’s note:
“We are the only newspaper which is aware that other than subjects like politics, sports, celebrity gossip, business news etc, some people are particularly fond of finding faults (like puzzles) in news prints. We try and cover them too. "

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Broken engagement

Дневник

Суббота, 24 Ноября 2012 г. 15:01 + в цитатник

Mike: “Mary has broken our engagement saying I am not rich enough.”
Harry: “But you should have told her about your maternal uncle. He is stinking rich and you are his only successor.”
Mike: “I did that. That is when she broke off with me and got engaged to my uncle.

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Boy baby

Дневник

Четверг, 08 Ноября 2012 г. 18:06 + в цитатник

In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?"
The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"
"How can you tell?" asks girl baby.
"Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue booties"

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Baseball Fan

Дневник

Воскресенье, 28 Октября 2012 г. 17:03 + в цитатник

There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Baseball World Series final. He was so happy, but when he got to the stadium and found his seat he was somewhat disappointed. His ticket was for the last row, and it was way up there. He couldn't see the game, so he began looking around.
Close to the field he saw an empty seat, so he decided to go down there. He reached the seat and asked the man next to the unoccupied seat if anyone was seating there.
The man replied, 'No.' So the guy sat down and struck up a conversation.
'Who would have a seat right next to the field and not come?!?'
The man answers, 'Oh, that was my wife's seat.'
'Where is she?' the guy replied.
'She died.'
'Oh, I'm sorry ... don't you have anyone else to come with you, a brother, or friend?'
'No, they couldn't come.'
'Why?'
'Because they are at her funeral.'

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Discoveries

Дневник

Среда, 03 Октября 2012 г. 12:49 + в цитатник

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, man has never recovered.

 

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Pilot in trouble

Дневник

Пятница, 28 Сентября 2012 г. 09:53 + в цитатник

A desperate pilot contacts tower to say, "I am in a situation - 400 miles from land, 500 feet over water and fast running out of fuel. Please give instructions! "
Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, which art in heaven...'

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