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, 03 2012 . 16:54 +

. , «» . : 16.00-18.00. : 40 . : . : 050 905 7 950 ( ).

, , , iBT TOEFL ,


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Ship going down!

, 18 2012 . 15:20 +

A deluxe cruise liner was sinking. The captain had to persuade the passengers of every country very tactfully to jump into the sea.

He told the American, "You'll be a Hero if you jump into the sea."
He told the English, "a gentleman would certainly jump into the sea."
He told the German, "It's a rule to jump into the sea in such conditions."
He told the Italian, "Women will admire you if you jump into the sea."
He told the French, "Do not jump into the sea."
He told the Japanese, "Look, every passenger is jumping into the sea."

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Mexican bandit

, 11 2012 . 11:43 +

Agusto, a Mexican bandit robbed a bank. As he was trying to escape with the booty, the sheriff and his deputy chased him and tracked him down in the woods.
Agusto was handcuffed, and the sheriff, who didn't know Spanish, asked him where he had hidden the loot.
"No se nada," he replied.
The sheriff put a gun to Agusto's head, turned to his deputy who could speak Spanish as well as English, and said, "Tell him that if he doesn't disclose where the money is right now, I'll blow his head to smithereens."
On receiving the translation in Spanish, Agusto got excited and started talking. "Ya me acuerdo! Tienen que caminar tres cuadradas hasta ese gran arbol. Debajo del arbol, alli esta el dinero."
The sheriff asked the deputy, "What's he saying?"
The deputy replied, "He says he wants to die like a man."

 

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No cream

, 23 2012 . 11:02 +

The French philosopher Jules Henri Poincaré was relaxing in a cafe when he a waitress approached him and asked, "Can I get you something, Monsieur Poincaré?"

Poincaré replied, "Yes, I'd like a cup of coffee with sugar, but no cream".

The waitress returned after a few minutes and said, "I'm sorry, Monsieur Poincaré, we are all out of cream - how about with no milk?"

, , , iBT TOEFL ,


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, 11 2012 . 15:53 +

, «» .

: 16.00-18.00. : 40 . : .

: 050 905 7 950 ( ). !

: 50 .. , . , . 22/24 ( "Twenty Two", "").

http://kursyprofessional.kharkov.ua/mafia.html


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Things not to say to a cop

, 26 2012 . 10:00 +

Top 10 things not to say to a cop when he pulls you over

I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Hey, is that a 9mm? That’s nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

Hey, you must have been doing 125 to keep up with me, good job.

Sorry officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.

I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriends night stand.

I thought you had to be in relatively good physical shape to be a police officer.

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes I know there is no other car around, that’s how far they are ahead of me.

Is it true that people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

 

, , , iBT TOEFL ,


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Anything for wife?

, 19 2012 . 12:19 +

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

"No thank you," the gentleman replied. "That will be all."

As the young man turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife ?" he asked.

"Yeah! That's a good idea," the fellow said. "Please bring up a postcard."

 

, , , iBT TOEFL ,


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Laws of Education

, 11 2012 . 16:13 +

Don't LOOK at anything in a physics lab.
Don't TASTE anything in a chemistry lab.
Don't SMELL anything in a biology lab.
Don't TOUCH anything in a medical lab.
and, most importantly,
Don't LISTEN to anything in a philosophy department.

, , , iBT TOEFL ,


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, 26 2012 . 15:00 +

4 . 9 .

:

1. « – » - 2 100 .
2. «3-5» – 3 100 .
3. ( ) - 1 100 . Pre-Intermediate.
4. - – 2 100 . Pre-Intermediate.
5. : Mafia + Apple-to-Apple+Scrabble – 1 90 .

: 50 .. , . , . 22/24 ( "Twenty Two", "").

, : (057) 764-36-73.

http://kursyprofessional.kharkov.ua/summer.html


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Real Life

, 12 2012 . 18:12 +

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