Thank you for calling 1-800-SUICIDE
If you wish to self terminate by electric shock — press one
For termination by overdose — press two
If you would like to make a reservation
At the end of our drowning pool — please press three
For termination by hanging — please press four
For death by self inflicting gunshot — press five
To speak to a representative, stay online
If you dont wish to die — please hang up now...