You have to work on the relationship. But sometimes it initially does not make sense: you will work hard, get tired - and still get divorced (well, or the whole life will turn into one solid hard work).

You can be very different and still be together - this happens all the time: everyone is surprised, touched and envious. For example, he's a boxer and she's a violinist. Or he's a professor of philology, and she's a criminal investigator. Or even he is the son of an oligarch, and she is the daughter of a school teacher - they still have a future. Yeah, what's there! Even if you are a vegetarian, and he is an adept of the Atkins sect, you will eventually get used to cooking in different pots or ordering yourself lunches from different restaurants. But there are stumbling blockers that all are broken. If on these points (at least one of them) you two have superideas, then it is better to run away as soon as the candy-bouquet period ends.

Gender roles

You can proclaim the ideas of feminism and assure everyone around you that a man and a woman have an equal chance to make a career. But if you at the same time somewhere in the depths of your soul still carefully keep the patriarchal stereotype "man = breadwinner", then you can hardly forgive your husband, who believed your liberal slogans, and not patriarchal stereotypes. You will be ashamed that he earns less, you will cut him ... And it won't end well. More obvious plots:

• you want to work and get a second higher, and the husband insists that a woman should take care of the house and the children;
• you do not know how to cook, and the husband is sure that all women should be able to;
• you clearly distinguish between "male and female" work, and the husband does not know how to fill the shelves ...

You can live together, either if you are not interested in the gender issue at all, or if your ideas in this sector of life coincide.

Children

 

 

Start with the main thing: do you both want (don't want) children. When one wants, and the second is fundamentally against, it is a failure. We do not take the situation "actually I want, but now there is no money" or all sorts of other temporary plots that can be coordinated and discussed. But the cohabitation of childfree and the guardian of family values is impossible. At least on a long-term basis. If you both wanted children, the difficulties will begin later. Your relationship will make a turn and return to paragraph 1: who should sit on maternity leave, get up at night and generally engage in education? If gender stereotypes don't poison your existence, that's fine. But if one of the parents advocates freedom and creativity, and the other for order and discipline, it will be difficult. And if one of you considers spanking on Saturdays to be the best method of parenting, and the other is active listening, then you definitely will not get along. So it is better to talk about these questions BEFORE the children appear.

 

 

The money

Cinderella can marry a prince and a swineherd can marry a princess. Rarely, but it happens. The rich can get along with the poor and come to some common denominator. The question is not how much money you need to be happy. The question is where to put that money. If one believes that they should be saved, and the second, what to spend, conflicts will smold constantly and flare up with greater or lesser frequency. Sooner or later it will still tear up. Because in fact, we are not talking about the standard of living, but about the attitude to it: either "live here and now", "or moderation and stability".

Purity

 

 

It would seem that a trifle: who does not like the garbage, he removes it.

But one day one of you may find yourself cleaning up all the time.

And the second is that they are squeamish.

In general, people are able to coordinate their requests for the level of purity (a chance meeting of a pathological cleaner with a pathological pig is unlikely), but there are still nuances.

Answer two questions: what is more important to you - cleanliness or order?

And the cleanliness of the body or cleanliness in the house?

And, if the answers do not coincide, then it is better for you to limit yourself to a guest marriage.

 

Sex

If on all the previous points your marriage can save the work of a psychotherapist, mortgage debts, religious beliefs and other arrangements, then the mismatch of sexual requests is a hopeless case.

 

The range of sexual acceptability – that is, a qualitative indicator – can be discussed for years, experimented, adapted to each other ..

 

But if the sexual constitutions did not coincide, then it is difficult to believe in love and loyalty without treason.

Natalia