В колонках играет - Elvis Presley
Настроение сейчас - curious

"Human heart is a scary part"

What to do when faith ends? Mine didn't. Yet.

Many people tell you to believe in good things. To believe in a white line after black. To believe in happiness. To believe in life. To believe in love. To believe in family. Yep, I know what you'll say. Family again.. I can't do anything about it. Family is my biggest problem. I blame it for the past, for the future and for  the present. Whatever. It's not a topic in this note.

So where was I? Ah, faith. Let's assume you believed in happy ending for a very long time. But nothing changed around you. People are becoming less and less caring, winters are becoming colder and colder, your life is becoming harder and harder, you feel more and more trapped. You thought that your life had been under control in the past but now you understand that in the past you just did things that were expected from you. So in fact you did things others told you to do. And now you don't do them, but you don't feel relieved or free. You feel lost. Nowhere.

Somewhere there is the line. Line between idealism and cynicism. Before you reach this line your faith in everything good is still here. When you are balancing on this line you are in between. You still want to believe, but it's harder and harder to be able to. And when you cross this line faith dies. You aren't able to believe in people anymore, you don't expect anything good from them, only bad. Trust dies too. There is of course a bridge between two banks and you can return back but it is not easy and sometimes even impossible. Depends on ambient world. I think that in this case you can't do anything on your own. If you crossed that line you are not able to come back without a reason. And there can be only one reason - people.

I'm balancing in between.

And where are you?