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How is it posiible to be so messed up? Maybe it is really the true that smb put the evil eye on me? Like some strange woman near the subway said.. I know it's their business to trick such idiots like me for money or anything.. But really? I'm one of the most luckless people on this planet. Everything is just not working. And I don't know what to do(

I want so many things.. but as time passes I am starting to believe that I am not made for them. There will be a moment on the edge when I don't want them anymore because it is so much easier not to want than to want and never get. Or more - to get them and be disillusioned.

And this stupid cruel winter.. Cold in the inside, cold on the outside. Does everything have to be so hard? Why can't things be easier?

Loneliness is fine like Jon Crosby sang.. But is it?