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hello!

Среда, 01 Сентября 2004 г. 23:40 + в цитатник
I know it has been a while since I have posted, and I apologise, I have been on holiday in the south of France for the last couple of weeks (yay for camping). All of those of you who were on my friends list, I hope you haven't deleted me, I am sorry for being so inactive and disorganised in not saying where I was going. Should be posting on here a lot more within the next coming weeks, what with moving out on Sunday and going to College next week; it's always great to share those kinds of experiences with people (especially those dwelling in the depths of cyber-land).

https://users.livejournal.com/-noname/3853.html



Понравилось: 2 пользователям

hello!

Среда, 01 Сентября 2004 г. 23:40 + в цитатник
I know it has been a while since I have posted, and I apologise, I have been on holiday in the south of France for the last couple of weeks (yay for camping). All of those of you who were on my friends list, I hope you haven't deleted me, I am sorry for being so inactive and disorganised in not saying where I was going. Should be posting on here a lot more within the next coming weeks, what with moving out on Sunday and going to College next week; it's always great to share those kinds of experiences with people (especially those dwelling in the depths of cyber-land).

http://users.livejournal.com/-noname/3853.html


Apprehension

Понедельник, 16 Августа 2004 г. 01:30 + в цитатник
Something held me down that
Day,
Urged me not to get out of
That bed.
Dusty Sheets.
I couldn't escape from the
Truth that day,
And I was telling myself,
Rather, Screaming at
Myself,
That I was not capable:

"Couldn't handle it"
"Can't hack it"

So now all I can listen
To are the sounds of
Normal life.
And all I can see
Is my own self-deprication.
Self-esteem,
Self-discipline,
Self.
Don't want to look
Through that Mirror
Anymore.
So I smashed it:
Got rid of the pain,
Got rid of the anger,
Got rid of self.
I didn't understand why
The tears trailed
Down from
Watery eyes that day,
So it gets classed as

"One of those things"
and
"One of those days"

Vague expressions
I have grown to hate.
Uncontrollable tears in
Pitch-black nothing,
Empty nothing,
Cold, stark nothing.
I was the last being alive,
I told myself,
But I don't want to feel
That way anymore;
Blood had already started
To freeze within my
Veins.
There wasn't much
Else than my selfish
Utterings that day.
And yet I still seem to
Incoherently exist
(Coherence was thrown
out of the window
in '97, I had no use
for it anymore).
Oblivious to times when
I wasn't
This way
(Call it happier, call it
sedated, call it what
you want).
I look back to those
Days,
As well as the few
Minutes previous to
This,
When I thought the
World would
End
Again. Can I
Control the retrospect
I look upon? Or should
I control the way I
Feel today?

https://users.livejournal.com/-noname/3716.html


Apprehension

Понедельник, 16 Августа 2004 г. 01:30 + в цитатник
Something held me down that
Day,
Urged me not to get out of
That bed.
Dusty Sheets.
I couldn't escape from the
Truth that day,
And I was telling myself,
Rather, Screaming at
Myself,
That I was not capable:

"Couldn't handle it"
"Can't hack it"

So now all I can listen
To are the sounds of
Normal life.
And all I can see
Is my own self-deprication.
Self-esteem,
Self-discipline,
Self.
Don't want to look
Through that Mirror
Anymore.
So I smashed it:
Got rid of the pain,
Got rid of the anger,
Got rid of self.
I didn't understand why
The tears trailed
Down from
Watery eyes that day,
So it gets classed as

"One of those things"
and
"One of those days"

Vague expressions
I have grown to hate.
Uncontrollable tears in
Pitch-black nothing,
Empty nothing,
Cold, stark nothing.
I was the last being alive,
I told myself,
But I don't want to feel
That way anymore;
Blood had already started
To freeze within my
Veins.
There wasn't much
Else than my selfish
Utterings that day.
And yet I still seem to
Incoherently exist
(Coherence was thrown
out of the window
in '97, I had no use
for it anymore).
Oblivious to times when
I wasn't
This way
(Call it happier, call it
sedated, call it what
you want).
I look back to those
Days,
As well as the few
Minutes previous to
This,
When I thought the
World would
End
Again. Can I
Control the retrospect
I look upon? Or should
I control the way I
Feel today?

http://users.livejournal.com/-noname/3716.html


An eye full of charcoal

Вторник, 03 Августа 2004 г. 01:25 + в цитатник
Sunset turns moon-rise,
And the feeling of grass growing slowly
Around my toes.
I didn't really mean to over react in the way that I did;
Things just get all too tense sometimes...
All too real.
The grazes on your arm
Match those strewn across my broken bones.
I'm sorry for dragging you over that cliff with me.

I hope that I haven't made the stars stop shining.
I didn't realise how
Beautiful they were.
They shouldn't go to waste on someone like me.
If only you had better friends to turn to,
You wouldn't have to come to me.
You wouldn't have to listen to the
Ranting and
Raving.
Useless words that
Slip off my fingertips
Into the sea.

Rain settles the fire
And the smoke
Twists and curves up into
A watercolour sky.
Epic manoevures,
Choreographed by wind and storm.
I hope they cool those burn marks,
Hot irons that branded your name next to mine.
You wouldn't want that now;
Guilty by Association,
The mocking laughs that
Stole the colour from your eyes.
Glazed over,
Almost charred,
Showing the hue of components that are deeper within.

Blue velvet sky turns red
In mourning sunrise.
Reminding me that I never had the chance
Grazed arms will heal over time as you forget that I existed that day,
Or ever.
But scar tissue will always remain.

https://users.livejournal.com/-noname/3333.html


An eye full of charcoal

Вторник, 03 Августа 2004 г. 01:25 + в цитатник
Sunset turns moon-rise,
And the feeling of grass growing slowly
Around my toes.
I didn't really mean to over react in the way that I did;
Things just get all too tense sometimes...
All too real.
The grazes on your arm
Match those strewn across my broken bones.
I'm sorry for dragging you over that cliff with me.

I hope that I haven't made the stars stop shining.
I didn't realise how
Beautiful they were.
They shouldn't go to waste on someone like me.
If only you had better friends to turn to,
You wouldn't have to come to me.
You wouldn't have to listen to the
Ranting and
Raving.
Useless words that
Slip off my fingertips
Into the sea.

Rain settles the fire
And the smoke
Twists and curves up into
A watercolour sky.
Epic manoevures,
Choreographed by wind and storm.
I hope they cool those burn marks,
Hot irons that branded your name next to mine.
You wouldn't want that now;
Guilty by Association,
The mocking laughs that
Stole the colour from your eyes.
Glazed over,
Almost charred,
Showing the hue of components that are deeper within.

Blue velvet sky turns red
In mourning sunrise.
Reminding me that I never had the chance
Grazed arms will heal over time as you forget that I existed that day,
Or ever.
But scar tissue will always remain.

http://users.livejournal.com/-noname/3333.html


Pretty Vacant

Четверг, 29 Июля 2004 г. 23:51 + в цитатник
Yes, I haven't posted in a while. Mainly for two reasons; laziness and work. Plus the fact that I haven't really been able to write about anything. I hope the article (written ages ago I must add) made an impact on someone out there. Maybe it didn't, so therefore it is my loss for posting it. And I also hope that a lot of other people out there agreed with it. I would be good to know that there are people somewhat like me who thing somewhat like I do.

On a completely different note (maybe D, it's a happy sounding note) I got a letter through from college today, telling me about open days and induction days and course descriptors for the subjects I am doing. My English course looks really great with all the texts we are studying, so does History too, as I get to chose exactly what I get to do for the internally marked coursework. I am really looking forward to college even more now; this letter coming through the post this morning made me realise how close it is until I go - only a matter of weeks. I am really looking forward to it, yet really nervous for some reason, but the prospect of making new friends and being at a new place on a new course is really exciting. Now I'm just crossing my fingers and *hoping* that my GCSE results are good! Another happy thing at the moment is that I get to go out tomorrow night - finally! It's been so long since I've gone out properly and had some fun. I am so glad I managed to wangle that time off work....

I really hate the way I am talking about all this; I sound like I am practically middle-aged, talking about how much work I am doing all the time and how I never really have the time to go out and see Matt or any of my other friends. It sucks. I am but a mere youth, I should be going out this summer and having the most fun that I could possibly have, seeing as I have left school and am going to college in September. It seems nuts I am always going on about work. But, on the other hand, work = money and money = being able to have some fun. These fucking double-edged swords, I am sick of them!

https://users.livejournal.com/-noname/3294.html


Acceptabilty in Society - an article by me

Вторник, 27 Июля 2004 г. 00:35 + в цитатник
What do people in the world today define as "socially acceptable", and who dictates what is and what isn't?

These are questions I have been wanting to ask for quite a while now, and naturally, I haven't really been able to find a plausible answer; just.. observations really. Everywhere you go, in cities, towns and even villages, images of beauty and fashion, subliminal messages about the way we should dress, think, walk and talk are bombarded around billboards, in magazines and dominating over traditional cultures and ways of life. Whatever people perceive to be in fashion or even politically correct at the time is most likely dictated by opinion of the media and the people we interact with around us. All this, of course, is up to the individual's interpretation, but somehow we all seem to be manipulated by the human nature of the environment and community around us at some point in our lives. I am not saying that I have never succumbed to this mild form of brain-washing, because of course I have. The thing I am essentially asking is why more people don't realise what's being happening through the television programmes we watch, the newspapers we read and even our daily journeys to work and centres of education. Fine, this isn't some kind of George Orwell world, with the "Thought Police" overlooking and protecting you from what to think and what not, and the whole "Big Brother is watching you" attitude; but you can see what he was getting at can't you?

The most unfortunate thing I have seen from the world of media manipulation is what it is doing to people my age. Teenagers who read their teen versions of Cosmopolitan and Vogue; seeing the cover girls have their hair a certain colour, dress a certain way and are airbrushed profusely to give the highest degree of what is thought to be "beauty" at the time. I have had friends who's lives have been dictated by what colour's "in" at the moment and what "look" is the best for them. Is it Rock Chick or Summer Princess today? Is it floral patterns or stripes? Do these accesories fit with my outfit?

I remember a couple of years ago being in this kind of obsessive fashion world; just so that I could look cool, be essentially what the media says is right for me.. and gain popularity from peers in school. I never really was the most popular person in school, and now I am not looking like what other people want me to be, I am even less so. It may sound drastic, but this kind of mental conditioning really is taking away some poor people's individuality, as well as being severely out of pocket from the changing fashion in brand names and looks. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder to me, not what Elle Girl! dictates to me, and I can look perfectly gorgeous without any make up on even though Sugar magazine says that no make up is a "no go area" when around members of the male gender.

In some of the areas around where I live, it has gotten to the point where the "trendies" and certain peer groups of people will hurl abuse at other people who aren't "the way they should be". People labelled as "goths" etc. are considered to be Social Rejects, and even a lot of the time, the labels and boxes people are put into are completely wrong. I have myself been at the other end of this abuse, I myself have been critisised for the way I dress, the music I listen to, the piercings I have and many a time I wonder why. It could be people's own insecurities to be "fashionable", jealousy, but it could be because some little subliminal message somewhere has told their minds "look, this is what is fashionable, acceptable, anything else.. you must hate". Again, seems drastic. But this is the whole purpose of the media today; not necessarily to report the truth and inform and induce discussion, thought and debate.. but to manipulate.

Unfortunately enough has even spread so far as to tell you what political idealisms are correct; biased newspapers against the gonvernment and no real coverage of any debates so that you can decide for yourself, these things are told to us. Propaganda has been running rings around countries in the world for probably thousands of years, persuading people to even support people such as Hitler. I suppose in a lot of respects, my political standing is left-wing, not radical but maybe, and where I live, the generation I am growing up with is quite conservative in the way they think. So naturally, I voice my opinion and get called "Commy". How pathetic is that? Not even a debate about the issues lying around what we think, just a split second and a one syllable hurled across a classroom. I have been asked why I support socialism and some of the more "radical" things that I do, because Communism is evil. A political theory, evil? I do not even support Communism; okay, so maybe in theory it is quite a good idea, but it hasn't been known to work has it? And why? Not because of the theory itself, but because of the people in charge. If people ever say things like that to me I say, ever heard of Stalin? Do you really think I would support him?? Nazism and the Aryan race theories were evil yes, but that was because they were just theories of racism and discrimination.. not an actual political theory. Desperate times called for desperate measures and so on... extremism thrives in those conditions.

Despite my rather long and boring tangents I have gone off on; my standing on this kind of issue is still there. I respect those that break the mould, those that think outside of the box, and refuse to be sucked into the kind of vortex the media holds us down in. Individuality is a virtue, who you are you should love and be grateful for, you have been put on this Earth to be you, and only you. False guises set out for you, pass by them. What Bliss magazine says to you, you don't have to follow; it isn't a life or death situation whether you wear green or pink or flourescent orange really. I hope what I have written makes sense to those who are reading it, and I wish you all the luck in today's society. Being acceptable really isn't everything.

https://users.livejournal.com/-noname/2817.html


Mental Block

Понедельник, 26 Июля 2004 г. 14:55 + в цитатник
Seems that I have run out of a lot of things to say on this journal. It always seems to be the case with me; I start of writing lots about completely nothing.. and then it all seems to run out after a couple of weeks. Seems like my spurt of verbal diarrhoea has ended. But I won't give up, there must be something up here that I can find to talk about (whether it bores you to death or not is not the issue at this point!).

I think it has already got to the stage where thesummer holidays have gotten completely boring... ALREADY! My attention span has ceased to exist now that there's nothing to do for a couple of days. I will be going out on Friday hopefully; I'm desperate to get out of this place (as well as the fact that it is one of the few weekends that I don't have to work), and soon I will be camping in Newquay with Laura, Ross and Matt. But that depends on the four of us getting our arses into gear: not likely. I'm really looking forward to going to college in a few weeks time now, and so I might focus my attentions on that; getting stocked up with supplies etc. Ever since I have left school, all the equipment I have owned seems to have completely disappeared. Mental note to self: I must try to find the black hole that seems to be lurking in my room. The weirdest this is, is that my room isn't going to be my room really anymore. I am going to be living somewhere else. Did I tell you that my grant came through for my accomodation, so that is it all paid for? I probably did, so I apologise for repeating myself. But I have nothing else to talk about do I? So yes, all my accomodation is now being paid for (getting it free just rocks) and I also get paid for transport to and from home at the weekends (that is, if I want to go home at the weekends; seems unlikely!). I just hope I get the grades - does crossing your fingers actually work? All it seems to do is give me cramp!

I might start posting some articles on here. Some articles that I wrote ages ago on topical issues that I feel strongly about, and my opinions voiced on them. That way you can potentially comment on them and get some sort of debate going. I am a very bored young person, and so I need to give myself at least something to do!

https://users.livejournal.com/-noname/2304.html


Followed the yellow brick road home from Emerald City

Суббота, 24 Июля 2004 г. 18:13 + в цитатник
There really is no place like home. Own bed, friends, being lazy. It's all good.... plus the use of the internet :)

Yes people, I am back, much to your dispair. London was fabulous, saw lots of sights, did lots of shopping in good old Camden Town ("I'll meet you by the underground"), and ate the most brilliant food (pancakes at My Old Dutch = yum!). As well as that, we walked practically everywhere, so a lot of exercise done, and a lot of calories burnt. I think I have finally dispelled my laziness.

Also went to see Faranheit 9/11 by Michael Moore. Brilliant film, I must say, but a lot of the facts that are exposed about the Bush administration are shocking beyond belief. If I have one piece of advice for you American LiveJournallers out there it is this: Vote Kerry and get Bush out of office. I trust in you people, really I do (seeing as Gore really won the last elections anyway). I admire people like Moore though. He has the guts to go out and say these kinds of things and expose the things that need to be exposed. Things such as the US Patriot Act, which in my opinion, reeks of dictatorship on the part of the Bush Administration over a democracy. It resembles the Enabling Act that Hitler made after he gained power, and effectively turned Germany into a totalitarian state. So thank you, Mr. Bush, for turning your country into one that resembles an old Nazi propaganda film. You have certainly done wonders for your country!

Ok, so, political rantings aside, I am really getting fed up with work too. They give me stupid hours to work that in effect pay me hardly any money, as well as wasting valuable hours of free time. I am so glad that, when the summer holidays are over and I move to Truro, I will not have to work in that God-awful place again. Split shifts are amongst the worst things in the world when you are a teenager, and want to have but an ounce of a social life. But hey, I'm just a little country-bumpkin, I should have no social life anyway; I live in the middle of nowhere!

It feels so..... liberating to have a good old moan. I apologise to those who have had to read it, as, in actual fact, I am rather happy. Come to think about it, I am happier than I have been in quite a while (and that really is a big deal for me). I have had a brilliant trip to London (home) recently, been hanging out with friends, making the thoughts in my head known to people here online, and generally having a good time (apart from those factors which slightly piss me off now and again). I may not have done much, but I also feel as sense of accomplishment. My application for my residential grant for college has been accepted, so I will be able to live where I was planning to in Truro, and everything is pretty much paid for, so until results day, it's plain sailing for my summer holidays. I just bloody well hope that my results are fairly decent ones, otherwise that's the college course I wanted to do out of the picture! If only I had a pair of those damned ruby slippers - but for now I will have to click my heels together and hope for the best without them.

https://users.livejournal.com/-noname/2302.html



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