I suppose my life right now is like that old saying: "If you're going through hell, keep going."

Well, I'm still going and this ride is showing no sign of stopping. Fucking Tatsuha... I know I really should be angry with him, but I can't be. I know this situation is beyond his control, but then again I can't help but feel he could have handled his life much better than he has. Why does it feel like ever since I started dating Ryuuen things have gotten more hectic? Maybe it's just me. Though, I can't help but miss Tohma every so often. I see him at work, but that's not what I mean. I love Ryuuen and nothing is going to change that... I guess it's just remeniscence.

Tatsuha mentioned the drugs the last time we talked. He asked me if I still thought about them. He should know better than that, of course I do. I've just been able to control myself... somehow. But since he mentioned it I've been thinking about it much more. It would take away the pain, certainly, but where would it leave me when the effects subsided. And Ryuuen would know. He can always tell when I'm hiding something from him. Even if he didn't notice, Tohma would. He notices everything.

**For Noriko**

I know it probably isn't the best time to try and spill my problems to you, but would you like to come over some day? I'd really like to talk to you.

http://users.livejournal.com/-mika/14929.html