Someone told me that the Christmas tree set up on a large piece of equipment in my town is put up every year by a volunteer. Someone actually climbs to the top in the middle of winter and strings lights around the wire frame. They do this so that everyone in the town can see and enjoy it. I don't know if this is true or not. I'd like to think it is.

http://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/2028.html

Someone told me that the Christmas tree set up on a large piece of equipment in my town is put up every year by a volunteer. Someone actually climbs to the top in the middle of winter and strings lights around the wire frame. They do this so that everyone in the town can see and enjoy it. I don't know if this is true or not. I'd like to think it is.

http://users.livejournal.com/_countdown/2028.html

There's lights strung up all over town. Walking down the street without being acknowledged with at least a friendly smile is almost impossible. For the first time since childhood, it feels like the smile I give in return is genuine. Christmas has been turned into a bastard child of greeting card mega-corporations and toy companies, and it shows whenever you turn on a television or enter a store, but...there's still something innocent about it. An element of untarnished goodwill still exists in some people around December 25th. Some die-hard pessimists and disenchanted nihilists deny it. They say good will doesn't exist anymore, that the only holiday cheer is manufactured in factories with dollar signs in their eyes. These people know that humanity has some element of itself left, and it scares them to think that their total lack of faith in us is not entirely justified. That would shatter their fragile excuse not to care. Every night they wrap themselves in a blanket of detachment from their species, hoping it will shield them from the hurt in their past.

Some people use their hate to keep surviving. Love will kill you every time.

https://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/1606.html

There's lights strung up all over town. Walking down the street without being acknowledged with at least a friendly smile is almost impossible. For the first time since childhood, it feels like the smile I give in return is genuine. Christmas has been turned into a bastard child of greeting card mega-corporations and toy companies, and it shows whenever you turn on a television or enter a store, but...there's still something innocent about it. An element of untarnished goodwill still exists in some people around December 25th. Some die-hard pessimists and disenchanted nihilists deny it. They say good will doesn't exist anymore, that the only holiday cheer is manufactured in factories with dollar signs in their eyes. These people know that humanity has some element of itself left, and it scares them to think that their total lack of faith in us is not entirely justified. That would shatter their fragile excuse not to care. Every night they wrap themselves in a blanket of detachment from their species, hoping it will shield them from the hurt in their past.

Some people use their hate to keep surviving. Love will kill you every time.

http://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/1606.html

There's lights strung up all over town. Walking down the street without being acknowledged with at least a friendly smile is almost impossible. For the first time since childhood, it feels like the smile I give in return is genuine. Christmas has been turned into a bastard child of greeting card mega-corporations and toy companies, and it shows whenever you turn on a television or enter a store, but...there's still something innocent about it. An element of untarnished goodwill still exists in some people around December 25th. Some die-hard pessimists and disenchanted nihilists deny it. They say good will doesn't exist anymore, that the only holiday cheer is manufactured in factories with dollar signs in their eyes. These people know that humanity has some element of itself left, and it scares them to think that their total lack of faith in us is not entirely justified. That would shatter their fragile excuse not to care. Every night they wrap themselves in a blanket of detachment from their species, hoping it will shield them from the hurt in their past.

Some people use their hate to keep surviving. Love will kill you every time.

http://users.livejournal.com/_countdown/1606.html

I have been thinking a lot about this, and I'd like to try to clear a few things up.

I can see why some of you hate me for doing this. If I looked at it from your perspective, I'd feel the same way you do. Please understand that I have my reasons for doing this, and I didn't intend to involve all of you. I thought that if I did not friend anyone on here and didn't comment anywhere else, this journal would remain in the shadows. Yes, I had hoped a single person would find it through their own actions, but not thousands. I did not think that that someone would come here and submit the address to a website with such a large following.
The other reason I am writing here is because I want to record my own thoughts and issues, as a way of providing myself some mental catharsis. I didn't really think even one person would stumble across this, so this reason was my main motivation.
I want to apologize for the misunderstanding. I hope that some of you may not despise me as much anymore...
I am left with the descision of continuing in quiet, or going on with the journal despite what it has turned into. I have decided to keep going. If nothing else, maybe I can clear my good name with some people and not be remembered so negatively.
In the future, I hope I can provide some of you with some backstory about why I am suicidal, as a lot of you have asked.

As a side note, the picture posted on the website responsible for bringing you all here...does he look 23 to you?

https://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/1440.html

I have been thinking a lot about this, and I'd like to try to clear a few things up.

I can see why some of you hate me for doing this. If I looked at it from your perspective, I'd feel the same way you do. Please understand that I have my reasons for doing this, and I didn't intend to involve all of you. I thought that if I did not friend anyone on here and didn't comment anywhere else, this journal would remain in the shadows. Yes, I had hoped a single person would find it through their own actions, but not thousands. I did not think that that someone would come here and submit the address to a website with such a large following.
The other reason I am writing here is because I want to record my own thoughts and issues, as a way of providing myself some mental catharsis. I didn't really think even one person would stumble across this, so this reason was my main motivation.
I want to apologize for the misunderstanding. I hope that some of you may not despise me as much anymore...
I am left with the descision of continuing in quiet, or going on with the journal despite what it has turned into. I have decided to keep going. If nothing else, maybe I can clear my good name with some people and not be remembered so negatively.
In the future, I hope I can provide some of you with some backstory about why I am suicidal, as a lot of you have asked.

As a side note, the picture posted on the website responsible for bringing you all here...does he look 23 to you?

http://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/1440.html

I have been thinking a lot about this, and I'd like to try to clear a few things up.

I can see why some of you hate me for doing this. If I looked at it from your perspective, I'd feel the same way you do. Please understand that I have my reasons for doing this, and I didn't intend to involve all of you. I thought that if I did not friend anyone on here and didn't comment anywhere else, this journal would remain in the shadows. Yes, I had hoped a single person would find it through their own actions, but not thousands. I did not think that that someone would come here and submit the address to a website with such a large following.
The other reason I am writing here is because I want to record my own thoughts and issues, as a way of providing myself some mental catharsis. I didn't really think even one person would stumble across this, so this reason was my main motivation.
I want to apologize for the misunderstanding. I hope that some of you may not despise me as much anymore...
I am left with the descision of continuing in quiet, or going on with the journal despite what it has turned into. I have decided to keep going. If nothing else, maybe I can clear my good name with some people and not be remembered so negatively.
In the future, I hope I can provide some of you with some backstory about why I am suicidal, as a lot of you have asked.

As a side note, the picture posted on the website responsible for bringing you all here...does he look 23 to you?

http://users.livejournal.com/_countdown/1440.html

I opened my e-mail today and thought there must be something wrong with my account. Over 1000 emails.

I have seen the feature on SomethingAwful.com. I think that the proprietors of that website are some of the most heartless individuals on Earth. They point out their target, the weakest in the herd, and their faithful dogs go in for the kill. They come back to their master's heels and look up adoringly, hungry for approval. "Did I do a good job, master? Look how well-trained I am".

There will be blood, but none will reach your lips, so why bother? I will not give out personal information here, as I have stated before. You won't be able to confirm your "kill". I imagine those simply desperate to see a corpse will tire of this soon enough.

At this point, I don't know if I will be keeping this journal up. I'm going to have to think about it.

Then again, I wouldn't want to dissapoint my "fans".

https://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/1200.html

I opened my e-mail today and thought there must be something wrong with my account. Over 1000 emails.

I have seen the feature on SomethingAwful.com. I think that the proprietors of that website are some of the most heartless individuals on Earth. They point out their target, the weakest in the herd, and their faithful dogs go in for the kill. They come back to their master's heels and look up adoringly, hungry for approval. "Did I do a good job, master? Look how well-trained I am".

There will be blood, but none will reach your lips, so why bother? I will not give out personal information here, as I have stated before. You won't be able to confirm your "kill". I imagine those simply desperate to see a corpse will tire of this soon enough.

At this point, I don't know if I will be keeping this journal up. I'm going to have to think about it.

Then again, I wouldn't want to dissapoint my "fans".

http://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/1200.html

I opened my e-mail today and thought there must be something wrong with my account. Over 1000 emails.

I have seen the feature on SomethingAwful.com. I think that the proprietors of that website are some of the most heartless individuals on Earth. They point out their target, the weakest in the herd, and their faithful dogs go in for the kill. They come back to their master's heels and look up adoringly, hungry for approval. "Did I do a good job, master? Look how well-trained I am".

There will be blood, but none will reach your lips, so why bother? I will not give out personal information here, as I have stated before. You won't be able to confirm your "kill". I imagine those simply desperate to see a corpse will tire of this soon enough.

At this point, I don't know if I will be keeping this journal up. I'm going to have to think about it.

Then again, I wouldn't want to dissapoint my "fans".

http://users.livejournal.com/_countdown/1200.html

Would you push a man off a cliff if he were about to jump anyway?

I don't know how this happened, but it seems a lot of people have gotten wind of this journal in a short amount of time. For every positive comment, there are two negative ones.

Like a lot of other things in my life, this has blown up in my face.

https://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/986.html

Would you push a man off a cliff if he were about to jump anyway?

I don't know how this happened, but it seems a lot of people have gotten wind of this journal in a short amount of time. For every positive comment, there are two negative ones.

Like a lot of other things in my life, this has blown up in my face.

http://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/986.html

Would you push a man off a cliff if he were about to jump anyway?

I don't know how this happened, but it seems a lot of people have gotten wind of this journal in a short amount of time. For every positive comment, there are two negative ones.

Like a lot of other things in my life, this has blown up in my face.

http://users.livejournal.com/_countdown/986.html

Dying is far more complicated than I thought it would be. Ironic that these complications are part of the reason I want to die in the first place.

In my first entry I said I would be updating every day. I have been trying to get my affairs in order (my will, burying old hatchets, ect), so I haven't been able to write as much as I'd like. I've sat down a couple times and no words worth writing came to me.

I know that for someone to care they have to get to know me first. Not just about me, they have to actually feel a connection with me. I don't know how to make that connection. That's another reason I want to die. I can't connect with people...I'm always alone in a crowd. More alone than when I'm by myself.

Edit: I do not believe in the afterlife, and that may not make sense considering my last entry. I do not believe, but sometimes I hope for the existence of a higher power. I am bipolar, and sometimes my hope is greater than other times. It depends on whether I'm on a high or low.

https://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/516.html

Dying is far more complicated than I thought it would be. Ironic that these complications are part of the reason I want to die in the first place.

In my first entry I said I would be updating every day. I have been trying to get my affairs in order (my will, burying old hatchets, ect), so I haven't been able to write as much as I'd like. I've sat down a couple times and no words worth writing came to me.

I know that for someone to care they have to get to know me first. Not just about me, they have to actually feel a connection with me. I don't know how to make that connection. That's another reason I want to die. I can't connect with people...I'm always alone in a crowd. More alone than when I'm by myself.

Edit: I do not believe in the afterlife, and that may not make sense considering my last entry. I do not believe, but sometimes I hope for the existence of a higher power. I am bipolar, and sometimes my hope is greater than other times. It depends on whether I'm on a high or low.

http://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/516.html

Dying is far more complicated than I thought it would be. Ironic that these complications are part of the reason I want to die in the first place.

In my first entry I said I would be updating every day. I have been trying to get my affairs in order (my will, burying old hatchets, ect), so I haven't been able to write as much as I'd like. I've sat down a couple times and no words worth writing came to me.

I know that for someone to care they have to get to know me first. Not just about me, they have to actually feel a connection with me. I don't know how to make that connection. That's another reason I want to die. I can't connect with people...I'm always alone in a crowd. More alone than when I'm by myself.

Edit: I do not believe in the afterlife, and that may not make sense considering my last entry. I do not believe, but sometimes I hope for the existence of a higher power. I am bipolar, and sometimes my hope is greater than other times. It depends on whether I'm on a high or low.

http://users.livejournal.com/_countdown/516.html

My name is Jerry Romero, and I am 23 years old. If you have found this journal, it is through your own actions. I will not comment on other entries in an attempt to make friends. I am leaving this in the hands of Fate and no-one else. This journal was created solely for the purpose of providing one last lifeline in a vast sea of hopelessness.

On January 13th, I am going to kill myself.


I am going to be posting daily about my fears, anxieties, and state of mind. If, in the month I have allotted, someone shows that they truly care, I will not take my life. This may seem odd to some people. Hell, it even seems odd to me. But even though I do not want to live, I need to know if someone can care. If someone could reach across the void of chance and make contact, I will consider it a sign that someone (God, Allah, anyone) does not want me to die.

I'm not going to bring anyone here on my own. If this fails then no-one will ever know the difference, and I might as well be talking to myself...

If you have stumbled across my journal, and feel I am placing unnecessary responsilibilty on people I don't know, by all means, turn away. I will place no blame on you. I am not searching for help, but rather evidence of some higher purpose. I can't live in a world that runs on accidents and chance. I need to know that a higher power may intercede on my behalf.

Millions of voices exist in this universe that man created. I am only looking for one...one voice...

https://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/406.html

My name is Jerry Romero, and I am 23 years old. If you have found this journal, it is through your own actions. I will not comment on other entries in an attempt to make friends. I am leaving this in the hands of Fate and no-one else. This journal was created solely for the purpose of providing one last lifeline in a vast sea of hopelessness.

On January 13th, I am going to kill myself.


I am going to be posting daily about my fears, anxieties, and state of mind. If, in the month I have allotted, someone shows that they truly care, I will not take my life. This may seem odd to some people. Hell, it even seems odd to me. But even though I do not want to live, I need to know if someone can care. If someone could reach across the void of chance and make contact, I will consider it a sign that someone (God, Allah, anyone) does not want me to die.

I'm not going to bring anyone here on my own. If this fails then no-one will ever know the difference, and I might as well be talking to myself...

If you have stumbled across my journal, and feel I am placing unnecessary responsilibilty on people I don't know, by all means, turn away. I will place no blame on you. I am not searching for help, but rather evidence of some higher purpose. I can't live in a world that runs on accidents and chance. I need to know that a higher power may intercede on my behalf.

Millions of voices exist in this universe that man created. I am only looking for one...one voice...

http://users.livejournal.com/-countdown/406.html

My name is Jerry Romero, and I am 23 years old. If you have found this journal, it is through your own actions. I will not comment on other entries in an attempt to make friends. I am leaving this in the hands of Fate and no-one else. This journal was created solely for the purpose of providing one last lifeline in a vast sea of hopelessness.

On January 13th, I am going to kill myself.


I am going to be posting daily about my fears, anxieties, and state of mind. If, in the month I have allotted, someone shows that they truly care, I will not take my life. This may seem odd to some people. Hell, it even seems odd to me. But even though I do not want to live, I need to know if someone can care. If someone could reach across the void of chance and make contact, I will consider it a sign that someone (God, Allah, anyone) does not want me to die.

I'm not going to bring anyone here on my own. If this fails then no-one will ever know the difference, and I might as well be talking to myself...

If you have stumbled across my journal, and feel I am placing unnecessary responsilibilty on people I don't know, by all means, turn away. I will place no blame on you. I am not searching for help, but rather evidence of some higher purpose. I can't live in a world that runs on accidents and chance. I need to know that a higher power may intercede on my behalf.

Millions of voices exist in this universe that man created. I am only looking for one...one voice...

http://users.livejournal.com/_countdown/406.html