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This never happened. The words presidentiallital and wonderogical are
made up by me, but the president can use them any time. It will make
him look... smart. I don't own them, yet. Wahahahahaha *breaks out into a coughing fit*


~*RING RING*~
Serj shot up from a deep sleep because of his phone. He wasn't exactly
happy about that, considering he hadn't slept for a few days. He
figured it was probably Daron again.

Serj: *picks up phone* What the hell do you want??

Person on phone: Is this Mr. Serj Tankian?

Serj: It's five in the morning! I don't need a new vacuum!

Person on phone: Sir, this isn't a telemarketer. This is George Dubya
Bush.

Serj: What??

Dubya: I would like to invite you and your bandmates to dinner
tomorrow night.

Serj: Umm, wait, so this is the president, and you're inviting me to
the White House?

Dubya: Yup, that's it.

Serj: Nice try Shavo, that prick would never invite us to the White
House. Dammit man, you know I haven't gotten much sleep.

Dubya: umm.. this isn't Shavo, and I don't appreciate being called a
prick.

Serj then realized the authentic southern accent. He got up and
checked the caller ID. It said "GEORGE BUSH, PRESIDENT" on it.

Serj: Uhhh, heh, I meant Bill Clinton was a prick.

Dubya: Well then, come on over tomorrow night. I'm a mean shirades (SP)
player.

Serj: Uhhh ok, I guess.

Dubya: Great! There'll be a plane at the airport waiting for you and
your friends. OK well, gotta go fight the Musl.. I mean, uhh, take
care of presidentiallital stuff. Bye now! *click*

Serj hung up the phone, glad that the president was too dumb to
realize Serj had called him a prick. He quickly called John.

John: H.. h... hello?

Serj: John?

John: Dammit Serj, you woke me up! Now I have the worst hangover..

Serj: John, you wouldn't believe what just happened.

John: Wha..

Serj: The president just invited us to the White House.

John: Whatever you're smoking, give me some.

Serj: I'm serious! You can even check my caller ID!

John: Later.. I'm going back to bed. *click*

Serj called Shavo and Daron, getting pretty much the same reaction.
He decided to wait until they were more awake.

later

Shavo, Daron, and John looked at Serj's caller ID.

Shavo: Well, it looks real.

Daron: DONUTS!!! *grabs a box of donuts and eats them all*

Serj: Hey! I wanted those!

John: You should have used my method of hiding food before having
Daron over.

Serj: Too late for my donuts..

Shavo: Weren't we talking about going to the White House, or something

Serj: Oh yeah..

Daron decided to prove Serj wrong and called the number on the caller
ID.

Dubya: Hello?

Daron: You're not the president!

Dubya: Why yes I am! Who is this?

Daron: Oh yeah, well make up a word. Right now. It'll make you look...
smart.

Dubya: Why of course! That's a wonderogical idea! See? Wonderogical.
Aren't I smart?

Daron: *click*

Daron: Oh yes, that definitely was the president.

Serj: I told you!

Shavo: So.. should we go?

Daron: Of course we should go! Free food!

Serj: I don't know. I guess.

John: I'll go. Who could pass up free food?

Serj: Alright, then, I guess we'll go.

The next day

Serj waited in the airport for his friends. He had on a dress shirt and pants. John arrived next, wearing a T shirt and jeans. Shavo was next, also wearing a T shirt and jeans. Daron arrived last, wearing a dress.

Serj: Why the hell are you wearing a dress?

Daron: Huh?

John: You're meeting the president as a drag queen?

Daron: I'm not wearing a dress!

Shavo, John, and Serj: ........

Daron: Ok ok I'm wearing a dress.

Shavo: Umm why don't we get on the plane now...

Daron: Weee I like wearing dresses. It's breezy.

John: Never say that again.

They walked over to a flight attendent person who had a sign saying System of a Down. They walked down the hallway thingy and got on the plane. As it took off, the pilot made an announcement.

Pilot: Helllllo patriots, welcome to one of the president's private jets! He uses this when Air Force One's in the hanger! Well, this will be a four hour flight, make yourself at home!

Serj sat there reading a book. John fell asleep. Shavo listened to music. Daron got up and looked around the plane. He spotted one of those photo-booth picture things. It was the pres's daughters. One picture was them just sitting there, smiling. Then another one was of them sticking out there tongues. The next one was.. them kissing eachother.

Daron: Shavo! Look!

Shavo: What?

Daron shoved the pictures in Shavo's face.

Daron: INCEST LESBIANS!

Shavo looked at the pictures and laughed.

Shavo: They were probably just kidding around.

Daron: But LOOK!

The next picture was of the one sister straddling the other.

Shavo: Whoa, I'm keeping these.

Daron: I saw them first!

Shavo: But you handed them to me, therefore, you are too much of a pussy to be able to get them back.

Daron: Oh yeah??

Daron tried to grab the pictures but Shavo quickly pulled them away. Daron tackled Shavo trying to get them back.

Daron: They're MY incest lesbians!!!

Shavo: Not anymore!

Serj looked up at them.

Serj: What the hell?

Shavo held the pictures out so Serj could see them.

Serj: Whoa, the Bush twins are lesbians!

John woke up abruptly to the word lesbian.

John: Lesbians? Where? I want some lesbians!

Shavo showed John the pictures.

John: MINE!

John grabbed the pictures from Shavo. Daron and Shavo both jumped on John trying to get them back. Serj sat there, laughing at the lesbianism-ness and his bandmates.

Daron: WAIT! I have a photo-copier thing at my house! I'll copy it and we can all have one!

Peace was restored to the plane.

Serj: You know the twins are probably gonna be at dinner, right?

John: YAY!!

Serj: We can't say anything about this

Daron: Why not?

Serj: They might sue us!

Daron: Or offer me a threesome!!

Shavo: No one will offer you a threesome when you wear a dress.

Serj: No one will offer anyone a threesome because we aren't going to say anything. Does everyone understand?

Daron: Yes, Mom.

The rest of the plane ride was pretty uneventful. Daron found numerous porn tapes and magazines, much to his delight, but nothing more than slightly scandalous. John stole some of the plane's four-ply toilet paper. Serj got really hyper, which had happened maybe twice in his life, and started tormenting
Shavo.

Serj: Shavvvvvvvo

Shavo: Yes..

Serj reached over and pulled Shavo's beard.

Shavo: Ow! What the hell is wrong with you?

Serj: Watcha doing?

Shavo: Nothing..

Serj: Umm Shavo, there's a hair on your head.

Shavo: Shit!

Shavo got up and went into the tiny bathroom. Serj ran up and closed the door, wedging it shut with a broom he had happened to be carrying.

Shavo: There is not! Hey, Serj!!! Let me out!!!

Serj: Hahahahahaha no.

Shavo: Come on Serj, seriously, I'm getting claustrophobic!

Serj: Nope!

Shavo: Let me out you bastard! I swear I'm gonna fucking kill you!

Serj: Well that makes me want to let you out

Shavo: Grrr, Let me out!!!!

Serj: What's the magic word?

Shavo: I am going to kill you!

Serj: I'm not letting you out until you say the magic word!!!

Shavo: PLEASE! OK, happy now? Let me out you bitch!

Shavo began running into the door trying to get it open. Serj quickly took the broom away right before Shavo crashed into the door. It swung open and Shavo ran into the opposite wall.

Shavo: Fuck! Owwwwww!

Serj was sitting about three feet away, collapsing with laughter.

Shavo: You asshole!

Shavo ran over and kicked Serj in the shin.

Serj: OW! Assfuck!

Serj got up and pushed Shavo, still laughing a little. Shavo punched him in the face.

Shavo: Die bitch! You know I have claustrophobia!

At this point, Daron and John were snickering at the fight going on.

Daron: Cat fight!

John: Meow

Daron: Twenty bucks Shavo loses

John: Hmm, Serj is bigger and stronger, but Shavo's agile and kicks really hard.
I should know. That bastard kicked me in the balls once. They've never been the same.

Daron: Way too much info.

Serj smacked Shavo's head, leaving a big red hand mark. Shavo grabbed Serj's hair and threw him down. Serj grabbed onto Shavo's leg, causing him to fall backwards. Shavo kicked Serj in the side. Serj elbowed him in the shin. This went on for about ten minutes, until Daron and John broke it up, remembering that they couldn't be too screwed up, since they were going to meet the president. Serj ended up with a black eye and a bunch of bruises. Shavo got the aforementioned big red hand mark on his head, some cuts and a couple bruises. Serj's hyperness had gone away by then. He laughed as he recalled his Shavo-torture into his journal. Shavo gave Serj the evil-eye whenever he walked past. Serj couldn't remember the last time Shavo was mad at him. It was starting to bother him. He decided to apologize to Shavo. He got up and walked to the other side of the plane, where Shavo was sitting, plotting revenge.

Serj: Hey Shav, look, I'm sorry. I just got really hyper and had to torment someone. You were sitting the closest.

Shavo: You? Got hyper???

Serj: Obviously

Shavo: That sounded so much like a teen girl it's not even funny. But anyway, you are such an asshole, and just for your asshole-ness, you have to... give yourself a swirly.

Serj: No! Seriously, anything but that. You know I got that way too much in high school!

Shavo: And hahahaha and you almost hahaha drowned that one time hahahahahahaha

Serj: How do you know about that??

Shavo: My brother told me all about it. (A.N.: I'm not sure if Shavo even has a brother, let alone one Serj's age that went to Serj's highschool and gave Serj a swirly.... but oh well that's just too bad.)

Serj: It's not funny! I could have died!

Shavo: You could not have died! It was ten seconds with your face in a toilet!

Serj: I inhaled by accident!

Shavo: Hahahahahahahahahaha

Serj: So anyway, are you still mad at me?

Shavo: I told you already, I'll only forgive you if you get a swirly

Serj: Alright.. alright fine..

Shavo: Hey guys! I'm giving Serj a swirly!

Daron and John followed Serj and Shavo to the bathroom, not wanting to miss such an event.

Shavo: OK Serjie, go ahead.

Serj: I will be traumatized for a long time by this, you do realize that right?

Shavo: Yup!

Serj: I hate you

Serj bent over, cringing before sticking his face into the toilet. Shavo, almost crying from laughter, pushed the handle down. After a few disgusting moments for Serj, he pulled his soaked face and front of his hair out.

Serj: Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew!!!

Daron, Shavo, and John were hysterical laughing.

Serj: Hey guys

They looked up. He violently shook his head, sending toilet water spraying all over them.

Daron: Not cool, man, not cool!

John: Eww!

Shavo: It was still worth it.

Shavo got up and got his cell phone, which had a digital camera built into it, and snapped a couple pictures of Serj before he could do anything. He quickly emailed them to a bunch of people.

Serj: I'm gonna kill you!

Shavo: Hey, it's revenge, you can't revenge revenge.

Serj: I guess that's fair.. but EWW gimme a towel or something!!

Shavo: I don't have one

Serj resorted to using paper towels. He looked at the clock. They had one hour before they got to Washington. He couldn't wait to just get there. Suddenly a flight attendent came out from the front of the plane.

Flight attendent: Would you gentlemen like some refreshments?

Daron: BEER!

Serj: Daron, be polite.

Daron: Can I have a beer?

Serj: Grammar..

Daron: *sigh* MAY I have a beer?

Serj: Good boy.

Flight attendent: That's a guy?? I mean, sure... sir? ma'am?

The flight attendent hurried quickly through the doorway into the front of the plane.

Daron: She thought I was a girl???

Serj: Well, you are wearing a dress..

Daron: I kind of have a beard, Serj.

Serj: Hmm, maybe she's just stupid.

Daron: That would be it.

They just sat there for a while. Daron got his beer and pointed out his beard to the flight attendant. She nodded and hurried away. Serj went back to reading, Daron stole Shavo's CD player and listened to it, Shavo watched TV, and John fell asleep yet again. The pilot came onto the loud speaker a while later.

Pilot: Hello again, we're about to land, I hope you had a fun trip and have fun at the White House!

The plane landed at the airport, and they were taken to the White House in a big GMC.

Daron: We don't even get a motorcade!! How rude!

Shavo: Shut up. Hey look, we're almost there.

The driver drove slowly, painfully obeying every traffic law known. Finally they pulled up to the gates. The driver talked to the security guys and the gates opened. They pulled up to the front of the White House. Bush was waiting for them.

Bush: Welcome! How're you doing?

He shook all their hands.

The pres eyed Daron. He leaned over and whispered to Serj.

Bush: Who's the broad?

Serj: Uhh, that would be Daron.

Bush: She here with you?

Serj: Umm, well you see..

Bush: Yes or no?

Serj: I guess not..

Bush strode over to Daron, flirting shamelessly. Daron looked at his bandmates, confused.

Serj: Mr. President, Daron here is our guitarist.. and HE's a guy..

Bush: Oops! Ummm.. I.. I knew he was a guy.. I was just joking hahahahaha.

SOAD: .......... ha.. haha..

Bush: Well what do you say we head inside?

They walked through a door and up a flight of steps. They came out into a hallway lined with pictures of the president, his wife, his daughters, and a nauseating amount of American flags. They walked into a lounge type room.

Bush: Make yourself at home!

They sat down on a big couch. Bush sat in a chair across from them.

Bush: The wife should be down any second, she's just gotta finish up with that douche.

Daron: What???

Bush: Uhhhhhh I mean, she has to.. put on.. makeup! She's putting on makeup.. So anyway, I've heard you guys are very into politics and stuff. Got anything on your mind?

Serj: Well, yes, I have many concerns involving

Bush quickly interrupted.

Bush: Does anyone smell pizza? I smell pizza for some reason.. hey look the radio. Let's play the radio!

He got up and turned on a radio. The Dixie Chicks came blasting through the speakers.

Bush: Hey it's the Dixie Bitches. Can you believe they said that? How dare they insult me!!!

Serj: They apologized... even though they shouldn't have

Bush: What? They SHOULDN'T have apologized?? Just what do you mean by that???

Serj: I just think

Bush quickly interrupted again.

Bush: Now where is Laura? She should be clean by now!

He walked out of the room.

Shavo: This is really stupid. Can't we eat?

Serj: Shavo, be patient. This is an opportunity to voice our concerns about the government.

John: Too bad he won't let you finish a sentence.

Daron: I'm hungry!!!!

Bush re-entered the room, with his wife this time.

The band stood up to shake her hand. Laura whispered to Serj.

Laura: Who's the girl?

Serj: That's Daron, but

Laura: She's so beautiful!!!

Serj: Mrs. Bush I don't think

She paid Serj no attention and began hitting on Daron. Daron looked at his friends confused, for the second time today.

Bush: Umm, honey, *whispers* that's a guy!

Laura: Oooooooooh, um, heh. Woops.

Daron: I would like to point out to everyone that I have a BEARD!

He held up his beard triumphantly.

They went and sat back down. There was an awkward silence for a few minutes.

Bush: Hmm, my daughters should be coming down any second..

SOAD burst out laughing.

Bush and Laura: ........

Serj: Umm, heh, we're laughing at... uh.. an inside joke?

Laura: Oh I just LOVE those! Do explain!

The guys looked at eachother.

Daron: Well, you see, umm there was... these lesbians..

Serj jabbed his heel into Daron's foot.

Daron: OWWWWWW! What was that for???

Serj glared at Daron.

Daron: Oooooooh I remember we're not supposed to say anything about the pictures of the

Serj: MONKEYS! We weren't supposed to say anything about the monkeys.

The Bush twins came into the room, obviously drunk.

Barbara: Ooo she's so hot!

The girls staggered over to Daron sat on his lap. This nearly crushed poor little Daron, but he was just ecstatic to have two drunk lesbian twins sitting on him.

Laura: GIRLS! Did you break into me and your father's liquor stash again?

Twins: Maybe... hehehehe

Bush: Oh well, we'll get more later. Anyway, now that we're all here, I think we should go to the dining room.

Much to Daron's dismay, the twins got up and followed the others into the dining room. They all took random seats, the twins ending up on either side of Daron. Laura sat across from him. Bush sat at the head of the table, Serj and Shavo on either side of him. John was next to Laura. Almost immediately Daron's leg was getting felt up by Laura's foot. He started blushing, and then he looked over a Shavo and Serj. They had the same flustered look. It turns out our president here had taken a liking to rubbing Serj and Shavo's legs. John was oblivious to all this. Daron figured he probably shouldn't play along, considering this was the president's wife. He pulled his feet back under his chair where Laura couldn't reach them. Serj and Shavo had no such luck, considering the president was next to them, not across from them.

Serj: Umm, can you stop?

Shavo: Seriously, man, we don't swing that way

Bush: What? I'm not doing anything..

Bush kept his hands to himself the rest of the night. A butler guy came in and told them dinner would be ready in five minutes. There was another few minutes of awkward silence. Bush then noticed how beat up Serj and Shavo were.

Bush: You two look foughtedable. What happened?

Shavo: Foughtedable???

Serj: I think he means... actually I have no idea.

Laura: He means you look like you got in a fight. Don't feel bad, sometimes I don't have the slightest idea what he's talking about. Actually, I usually never do...

Bush: So what happened to you two?

Daron: They got

Bush's sick mind went to work and he interrupted Daron.

Bush: Rough in bed? I thought you guys didn't swing that way *wink*

Shavo: Eww dude, we got in a fight, not rough in bed...

Bush: oh.. *looks disappointed*

Daron: Haha Shavo said DUDE!!! Hahahahahahahahahaha

Everyone else: .........................

Daron: It was funny at the time..

Shavo: No it wasn't

Daron: I'm HUNGRY!!!!

Serj: Daron! Manners!!!!

Daron: But I hate manners!!

Serj glared at Daron.

Serj: No screaming inside. Now what do you have to say for yourself?

Daron: *rolls eyes* Sorry.

Serj: Good boy

Jenna: That's a guy?!

Barbara: How could you lie to us?

Daron: I never said I was a girl!

Twins: Ooooooh...

Barbara: Hmmm, well, he still has some threesome potential...

Daron: Yay!

Bush: That is daughters inpropried just like the illiterate children!

Others: .............?

Then a couple waiters came out carrying huge trays of food.

Bush: So who's up for some deep-fried... whatever we're eating?

The waiters lifted the lids to the trays. It was every kind of meat you could imagine, fried to artery-clogging perfection.

Serj: Umm.. I'm a vegetarian.

Bush: You're a.. WHAT?!

Serj: I'm a vegetarian.

Bush: OK, so have some chicken.

Serj: Chicken is meat.

Bush: No it's not! It comes from turkeys!

Serj was stifling laughter at the president's stupidity.

Serj: Well, actually it comes from chickens... and chicken is meat.

At this point, Daron grabbed some beef, stuffed it in his mouth, and him and the twins went to the twin's room.

Shavo: Lucky bitch.

John: But but but I want some lesbians too!

Jenna: We could have a.. six way? Or.. five? Four? Wow I'm so drunk

Daron: There is no way in hell I'm getting in the same bed with Shavo and John.

Shavo: Yeah I'll pass. I don't need that trauma.

John: Hmm, how about Daron and Shavo wait out here, and I go with the twins.

Daron: No way!

John: Yes way!

Daron: No!

John: Yes!

Daron: No!

John: Yes!

Daron: No!

John: Hey why don't we ask the twins... Hey where's the twins? And where's Shavo?

Daron: That bastard! I was meant to have a threesome with the twins! Not him! MEEEEEEE!!

While all this had been going on, Dubya, Laura, and Serj had all sitting there, listening.

Serj: Aren't you gonna do something?

Bush: Nope. It's happened many times before. You know, I used to experiment when I was their age... if you know what I mean *wink*

Serj: Ewww...

Bush: I mean do you know how many abortions my girls have had? Haha

Serj: I thought you were against abortion?

Bush: Ummmmm, I mean, heh, how many... kids that were adopted! Yes, they had them then we adopted them out. Abortion is bad!

Serj: OK, sure, I believe you...

Bush: *not catching sarcasm* Good.

Daron and John returned to the table, obviously disappointed.

Bush: Don't feel too bad, your.. Shavo is it? He'll be so ridden with STD's by the time he's done, I'll doubt he'll ever have sex again.

This brightened John and Daron's mood a bit. They all started eating the food, since it was free and all. Serj looked on in disgust. He drank some water, spitting it out as soon as he did. It turns out the water's deep-fried too. (MWAHAHA! I loathe me!) He sat there watching everyone else eat, almost jealous. Not jealous enough to actually eat any of it, though. Bush looked up, noticing Serj wasn't eating anything, totally forgetting the conversation from two minutes ago. He began speaking with a mouth full of steak.

Bush: Aren't you gonna eat anything?

Serj: I told you, I'm a vegetarian.

Bush: So eat some chicken!

Serj: ....

John: Didn't you guys have the exact same conversation a while ago?

Serj: Yes

Bush: Huh? We did not! Wait... trying.. to.. remember..

Laura: Don't strain yourself dear, it's more than you're brain can handle.

Bush: Almost.. remembering.. something.. too.. much.. information.. *passes out*

Daron: That was.. weird

Laura: It happens all the time

John: That's no surprise

Bush stayed passed out for another five minutes. During that time Laura's foot made its way onto John's. What she didn't know is that he's extremely ticklish, and he spit his drink and burst out laughing when she even slightly touched him. Serj and Daron stared at him. Laura decided to never touch John again. John wondered what the hell had touched his foot. Finally Bush woke up.

Bush: NO DADDY NO! I WANT TO SPIT IT OUT!!!

Serj: What the fuck???

Bush: Ummm... My college buddy's nickname was Daddy..

Serj: Again, ewwww...

Bush: Hahahahahahahaha I just noticed you have an accent

Serj: Uhh

Bush: I never knew you were Korean

Serj: I'm not Korean...

Bush: Those Korean bastards, they have those creepy eyes...

Laura: Dear, we're not supposed to make fun of others when we have dinner guests

Bush: Oh, right. Heh, those Middle Eastern fucks, though, those are some scary folks

Serj, Daron, and John: .................

Laura glared at Bush, motioning towards Serj, Daron, and John.

Bush: What?

Laura glared at him again. He obviously wasn't getting it.

Bush: What? Is there something on my face?

John: I think what she's trying to say is, we're Middle Eastern.

Bush: Oooooooooh... Wait what?

John: We're Middle Eastern

Bush: So THAT'S why you talk so funny *points to Serj*

Serj: Ummm, personally I don't think I talk funny

Daron: No you seriously do talk funny

John: Definitely

Serj: ... Shut up!

(A.N.: I personally think Serj's speaking voice is awesome, and I've tried to talk in the Serj accent, it's really hard to do... but ummm yeah ok..)

Bush suddenly started jerking around, holding his chest.

Bush: Pain.. arteries... clogged!!!

Bush passed out again. Laura casually walked out of the room, returning with one of those shock things that they put on your chest and your heart starts beating again (I forget what those things are called...) She pushed it onto his chest and it shocked him, he bolted upright.

Bush: OK, I'm back. Heh, just goes to show what happens when you eat this food

Daron and John looked at eachother, not eating anymore.

Then suddenly BANG CRASH!!!! A secretary came running down the hall and into the room.

Secretary: Mr. President! Some scary terrorist people have invaded the building! There's one!!!!!!*points to Serj*

Serj: I'm not a terrorist! What the hell is your problem?

Then a terrorist guy grabbed the secretary from behind, hitting her really hard and knocking her out.

Daron: Fuck!

All of them got up from the table, following Bush into the next room. He locked the door behind them.

Bush: What do I do?!?!

Serj: You're the president and you don't know what to do in a terrorist attack?

Laura: What about the girls?

John: And Shavo

Bush: You set this up, didn't you?

Daron: No we didn't! How the fuck could you accuse us of that!

John: I'm not surprised. You heard him bashing Koreans and Muslims.

Serj: This is no time for fighting, we have to think of a way to get Shavo and the girls.

Bush: Screw them! I'm saving myself!

Daron: They're your daughters!

Laura: Who cares?

Bush quickly opened a window and jumped out, Laura followed him. Serj, Daron, and John watched as they ran across the lawn and quickly got caught by the terrorists.

John: Idiots.

Daron: What do we do?! What do we do?!

Serj: Calm down, let's think about this

Suddenly a gunshot came through the open window and went to the opposite wall.

Daron: Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkk

John: Holy crap-fuck!

Serj: That can't be good..

The door bust open and three terrorist guys tackled them and handcuffed them. Daron started thrashing around, which resulted in the guy who was holding him brutally beating him with some nail clippers. He was knocked unconscious when he got hit in the arm with the file part. Serj and John cooperated, not wanting the same fate as poor Daron. They took them to the basement and brought them into a room filled with captured secret service guys and White House workers. They were being supervised by only one guy, since they were all handcuffed. The guy walked over to a TV and turned it on. It had a live shot of numerous police cars, ambulances, military vehicles, and people gathered around the White House. The reporter was jabbering about how the president was being held at gun point and the terrorists would shoot him if the law enforcement tried to intervene. Serj looked around the room, noticing Shavo and the twins weren't there. He figured they probably escaped or hadn't been found yet. He was still a little worried about them though. He focused on the TV again. He didn't see Shavo in the crowd either, not that he could have anyway. It was a huge crowd.

Serj: John, do you think Shavo's gonna be ok? He's not here..

John looked around. He didn't see Shavo either.

John: Don't you think they would have found him by now? He was only two rooms away from us...

Serj: He probably escaped.. or something

They both turned and looked at the TV. They started laughing as soon as they saw the screen. It was George Bush, in a thong. It wasn't even a men's thong. John considered feeling sorry for the president, since it must be painful, but he chose to laugh at his pain instead. Serj looked around. Him, John, and the terrorist guy were the only ones laughing. He rolled his eyes. This must be great for their reputation. He turned to the TV again when Bush started speaking.

Bush: I am an idiot. A complete idiot. I.. oh come on guys I'm not saying THAT!

In the backround a shot was fired.

Bush: OK then, I ate my dog's shit and if my wife doesn't douche every day she smells like some kind of wild boar. *Under his breath* Hmmm that's true really.

John had tears streaming down his face from laughing. Then the terrorists showed a copy of an I.Q. test they had given the president. He'd gotten a 70.

Serj: Hmm Tom Morello did have a point there... (A.N.: Axis of Justice radio, it's great cuz it's Serj's and Tom Morello's radio show! Axisofjustice.com!!)

The terrorist turned it to Queer Eye for the Straight guy.

John: I love this show!!!

Serj rolled his eyes. The show was on for an hour. Then Boy Meets Boy came on.

Serj: This show is for Daron

John: Definitely

This was on for another hour. Serj looked back at the other people. They glared at him, still not forgetting how he laughed at the president in a thong. They all looked scared, too. He wasn't that scared, it seemed like these terrorists were calm enough not to really kill anyone. He looked back at the screen. The show had been interrupted for a Special Report. It showed the police's *secret* mission through the vents of the white house that was "sure to completely surprise and eventually defeat the terrorists". The terrorist ran out of the room screaming and shooting his gun into the vents.

John: Oh fuck

A shakey woman from the back screamed up at Serj.

Shakey woman: Why do you do this to us?

Serj: Uh.. what?

Shakey woman: You terrorist devils!!!

Serj: I'm not a terrorist! Why do you people keep calling me a terrorist?!

Their guard came back with another guy. He had a video camera. He told the camera that since the police had attempted to interfere, they were going to kill all of the hostages. Serj and John looked at eachother, both getting more and more scared. Daron started waking up, but John figured he'd be better off passed out for the time being, so he punched him in the back of the head and knocked him out. One of the terrorists grabbed a secret service guy and held a gun to his head. He waited until the camera guy got in front of him. He was just about to pull the trigger when he was hit from behind with a dildo. He turned around, dropping the secret service guy. There was Shavo and the twins. Shavo had a sheet tied around his neck like a cape. He had on hugely baggy shorts, and "S" written on his chest with lipstick, and his beard was somehow in an S shape. The twins were on either side of him. They both had on a bra and miniskirt. Jenna's were blue with white stars and Barbara's were striped red and white. They both had thongs on their heads.

Serj: What the hell are you doing?

Shavo: Why, good citizen, I am defending the innocent, defeating evil,...um.. and other stuff... because I'm SUPER-SHAVO!!!

Twins: And we're the...

Barbara: Wait, what were we called again?

Jenna: Weeeee I'm so drunk... again! hahahahahahahaha *drool*

Shavo: To the Shavo-cave!

Barbara: Uhhh weren't we supposed to save the people first?

Shavo: ... ah yes! So, um, yeah.. let's save them.

The guys had conveniantly waited until the end of the speech to begin attacking Shavo and the twins. One of them shot the gun at Shavo, but he dodged it and did this whole Matrix thing and kicked him in the face. Then the other guy came over and grabbed Shavo from behind. The twins ran over and kicked him, scratched him, and flung stuff at him. Nothing really worked. Then Jenna got out a used condom she happened to be carrying and stretched it out and covered his nose and mouth with it. He struggled, but it was stuck on there, and he lost consciousness from lack of oxygen.

Shavo: Good work. Now we must release the hostages.

The twins ran to the nearest people, trying to get the handcuffs off. They resorted to biting through them, which confused many people, since they were knawing through metal. Daron woke up right when one of them was biting his handcuffs off.

Daron: Oooo, kinky

John: Hehe, that's what I was thinking

Serj: You're so immature, it's just two lesbian twins, knawing through some handcuffs, drunk as all hell... um ok never mind.

Once everyone's handcuffs were off, Shavo, Serj, Daron, and John tried to think of an escape plan.

John: How about we go through the vents?

Serj: Um, the terrorists are shooting guns into the vents.

Daron: The window?

Serj: We're in the basement.

John: Why don't we just wait until the police come help us?

At that very moment, three police officers ran through the doorway.

Police officer 1: HIDE ME!

Police officer 2: Eeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!

They ran to the corner of the room, behind everyone. Shots were fired into the room at the police. They ran around screaming like idiots, even though they had on bullet-proof vests and helmets. Shavo, Serj, and John ran back and grabbed the policemen's guns, not trusting Daron with one. They ran to the doorway, shooting at the terrorists. They slowly advanced to the first floor and ran out the door. The secretaries and secret service ran out across the lawn towards the police. Serj, Shavo and John hung back to shoot at anyone who was shooting at them, but it was unneccessary. All the terrorists were just watching Daron. One of them ran up to Daron and started hitting on him. Daron screamed about his beard and how he doesn't look like a girl at all. The terrorist kind of looked at him funny and walked back to the whitehouse. SOAD walked over to safety, and everyone had already heard about how they saved everyone. They were thanked and celebrated over for a while. Finally, after a long day in D.C., it was time to go home.

The plane ride back

John: Can you believe how incredibly easy it was to fight the terrorists.

Serj: Yup, it's strange.

Daron: I'm still mad at John for knocking me out.

John: You know you would have been freaking out if you were awake.

Daron: But now I have a headache!

Serj: Just be happy you're not Shavo.

(Shavo's POV)

It ITCHES!!!! IT ITCHES!!!!!!!!


Yup that's my story. It took a while, but it's done. Sorry for the over-use of the word terrorist, I just couldn't think of a synonym..

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