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Создан: 28.01.2005
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Воскресенье, 11 Июня 2006 г. 12:41 + в цитатник
inkuse все записи автора
see guys,i found it interesting
rumors bout Jhnn,and his own opinion about each
try to read it(big, i know) cuz it's funne!
i waz under chair ;D

Over the years we here at me have received many an inquiry as to the validity of various rumors about yours truly that I feel deserve a bit of attention and clarification. Now, as I sit here on my throne of infant skulls, drinking the souls of the innocent from my glowing chalice, with my feet propped up on the naked back of one of my millions of slave-bitches/waffle chefs, I wonder why anyone would spend their precious time thinking up rumors about someone as boring as myself.

But it is not my place to know the minds of men and especially ferrets, so without further ado let us tackle some of these rumors and possibly shed some light as to whether they might be true or not.

THE RUMOR - “Is it true you’re working on a JTHM movie or television series?”

I’ve seen this one for as long as JTHM has been around, and though I’ve never seen it in the wild, the emails and questions at conventions having to do with this one remain fairly steady to this day.

IS IT TRUE? - This one’s true AND false. I’m not working on it anymore, but it did happen and even made it to home video under the name of Fern Gully 2. How A film adaptation of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac ended up becoming a sequel to an animated favorite is a story in and of itself, but any attempt to tell it teleports me into a sewer in China, so stop asking god-dammit.


THE RUMOR - “My friend met you at a convention and said that you were super short, around 4’11 inches tall.”

Now this one’s a classic. One thing I’ve always been fascinated with is the focus on everything that has nothing to do with a person’s actual work, like their height, hair or what that smell is. The height one has plagued me from the very beginning, spread probably by people much taller than I who assume everyone else is a midget.

IS IT TRUE? - This one’s true. I was born with a genetic condition known as grotesquelittlepigletism in which I am always shorter than whoever stands closest to me. This condition is not without its perks, however. Many a time have I been inhaled by my enemies, only to wreak havoc on them from he inside. chewing on their cells and causing their very infrastructure to collapse. Being vomited out is hardly a glamorous victory, to be sure, but the satisfaction in knowing you’ll never have to deal with that drunken frat fuck that bothers you when all you want is to ride around on a mouse in peace is worth it.

THE RUMOR - “I hear you died in a car accident. Are you okay?”

What the fuck, guys? You’re writing to ask if I’m okay from being dead? Of course I’m not going to be okay if I’m dead. Strangely, this one, when it was in vogue, never came with an “is this true” so much as it came with the “are you okay” thing. That’s just bizarre, no? Even people that actually know me called to see if I was okay, which is how it first came to my attention that I had passed on.

IS IT TRUE? - Yes, it’s true. Can’t really deny this one or even try, seeing as how, at this very moment I’m staring from within the television with envious eyes at a little girl and her brilliantly shining life-force. I mean...you people with your LIVES and me with my hellish, incorporeal existence...you deserve none of what you take for granted while I am Doomed to wander this world, unsatisfied, unfulfilled but incapable of pushing through to a higher state. God is in his holy temple, you flesh-trapped jerks. Being a ghost is nothing like years of playing Pac Man taught me it would be.

THE RUMOR - “ I’m so sorry to hear you are dying of cancer. ”

...

Similar to the car accident one, this one began me wondering just what it means to have so many people creating scenarios in which you are dead. That can’t be good, right? This one reached me around the same time as the car accident one, actually.

IS IT TRUE? - This one’s false, pigs. The only reason I told anyone it was cancer was that I knew they would not be able to comprehend the truth of it...that a fly got into the telepod somehow, and...and rather than absorb it it was actually combined with me! And there’s NO way any of you could ever understand what it’s like, because you’re cowards. Cowards afraid to leap into the plasma pool! :pukes on doughnut:

THE RUMOR - “I heard you went insane and were admitted into an insane asylum”

This is a fairly recent one, and probably one of the silliest. Not even sure where this one came from, nor have I seen it in the wild, but it popped up maybe a few months ago, brought to my attention by friends who kindly let me in on my institutionalization. There’s not a lot of information on this one beyond me simply having gone mad and now residing in a padded wonderland, but sometimes that’s just enough, ya know?

IS IT TRUE? - I wouldn’t use the word “insane”, and it’s more a spa for the ill-adjusted, in my opinion. I’m free to do whatever I want to on Fridays, so long as I don’t bite the nurse in the face like I did that one time she was screaming at me with her mouth that grew to ten times its normal size and the words actually came out as floating text that would burn my flesh if it landed on me so I HAD to bite her I just had to and oh god it’s not my fault the chairs keep bucking me off them and throwing my face into the television. If you don’t want me smashing my head through the television screen then don’t mount it up on the ceiling.

THE RUMOR? - “ So I hear you got married to a lawyer.”

I think there may be more to this one but I can’t quite recall just what else there is besides the part where I got married to a lawyer. This is the most recent of the rumors I’ve been alerted to by fans who, if not certain of my marital status will die explosively. of all the rumors, this one is the strangest by far if only for how random and unimpressive it is. Why not let me marry a ninja or a fire hydrant. A lawyer? It’s so strangely mundane.

IS IT TRUE - Not at all. She wasn’t a lawyer so much as she was a lady eating a pigeon in front of the Quizno’s, and I didn’t so much marry her as I did ask her why she was eating the pigeon. I can see how that scene and setting would be confused for what eventually became the overall details of the “marrying a lawyer” rumor, but really, guys, you need to give a bit more thought to things before spreading it around. Oh, and for the curious - You have not tasted pigeon until you have eaten it fresh from the festering filth-socket that is a baglady’s starving mouth. MmmmmMMmmm!
there is no community bout Jhnn Vee,so i posted it here...

Hollyw0oD   обратиться по имени Четверг, 10 Августа 2006 г. 21:17 (ссылка)
xDDD
i think his answers were a lot more lol than the rumors,but anyway lol xD
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