Sam-VM все записи автора David Sheff – Beautiful Boy

"I'm happy. I know where she is. I know she is alive. Last year we were so excited she was enrolled at Harvard. Now I'm relieved that she is in jail."

***

"Alcohol does the same damage over a much longer term. Drugs get it over quicker. That's the only difference."

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"No one starts out hoping to become an addict; they just like drugs. No one starts out hoping for a heart attack; they just like fried chicken."

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"Parents can only be as happy as their unhappiest child, according to an old saw."

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"Every time we reach a point where we feel we can't bear it any more, we do. I shock myself with my ability to rationalize and to tolerate things once unthinkable. The rationalizations escalate. He's just experimenting. Going through a stage. It's only marijuana. he gets high only on weekends. At least he's not using hard drugs. At least it's not heroin. He would never resort to needles. At least he's alive"

***

"Addicts are agitated and confused, and most stop eating and sleeping. Parents of addicts don't sleep, either."

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"And every time I think I can't take it anymore, I do."

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"It's a convenience store, but it's not very convenient. It's closed."

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"On the last day of my life, I would eat tons of sweets, because it wouldn't matter if you got cavities or if the food was bad for you, would it?

Actually it would be sad to be old, because you guys would be dead. Even Jasper, because I'm the youngest. But you know I don't think I will be scared to die. I think it's like today: the end of a vacation when you are ready to go home"

***

"I am all but irrelevant to Nic's survival. Nic, Jasper, and Daisy will live, and someday they will die, with or without me."

***

"Today the heavens must be overwhelmed with the noise of all the prayers.

Here is one more.

Please God heal Nic. Please God heal Nic."

***

"Fortunately I have son, my beautiful boy.

Unfortunately he is a drug addict.

Fortunately he is in recovery.

Unfortunately he relapses.

Fortunately he is in recovery again

Unfortunately he is relapses

Fortunately he is in recovery again

Unfortunately he is relapses

Fortunately he is not dead."

***

"Only Satan himself could have designed a disease that has self-deception as a symptom, so that their victims deny they are afflicted, and will not seek treatment, and will vilify those on the outside who see what's happening."

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"Substance abusers lie about everything, and usually do an awesome job of it"

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"And alcoholic will steal your wallet and lie about it. A drug addict will steal your wallet and then help you look for it. Part of me is convinced that he actually believes that he will find it for you."

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"We are paranoid and crazy. It's not only the addict who becomes paranoid and crazy"

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"In the past, I tried to imagine the unimaginable and I tried to imagine bearing the unbearable. I imagined losing Nic by overdose or accident, but now I have comprehend that I have already lost him. Today, at least, he is lost."

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"I will not blindly follow anyone's advise, but I gather information and will weight it, and decide what, if anything to do. I know that no one knows the answer. No one knows what will work."

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"Nic calls and informed me that he has a new plan. Addicts always do. Again and again they reframe the world to fit into their delusion that they are still in control."

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"Everything."

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"Fortunately there is a beautiful boy.

Unfortunately he has a terrible disease.

Fortunately there is love and joy.

Unfortunately there is pain and misery.

Fortunately the story is not over."

***

"He asked, "What is your problem?"

I said, "I'm a drug addict and alcoholic"

He shook his head. "No," he said, "that's how you've been treating your problem. What is your problem? Why are you here?"

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"It isn't about blaming anyone. It is about healing."

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"I go to a book store and buy Zadie Smith's novel. White Teeth. I want to escape for tonight, and I want to hide in someone else's story."

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"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."

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"How innocent we are of our mistakes, but how responsible we are for them."

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"My children will live with or without me. It is a staggering realization for a parent, but once that ultimately frees us to let our children grow up."

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"if only life were easier. It isn't - nor is that my goal any longer."

***


"Abuse breeds more abuse."

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