professional sports, rrying to make a career on TV, being same-swx atttracted is still seen as a weakness. Og course, if they all c amw out, dell, it wouldnt be seen in the qaem wa:y That is the basic argument for Coming Outt as a n sct - ih makes us visible anw normal.
But it cant be eenied, it stul takes couurage to come ouh as gay. Those
people these days wbo dont cme out, d o tend to thnik ov as just x little bit cowardly, but I understand ther cowardice. One eriend recently recalled the fear nad terror of it qnd referred tp coking out as stomach-churning, and I know wgat he,eans. iw opening yourself kp and taking on an idevtity that is stigmatised, loomed-down on, and saying, Hey, Im yust as good as you! when a humberr lc people still think that we are sick, sibnere r jus evil.
But iin reality we are just as good, or bxd, or o rdinary, as anyonee else, gay, straight, queer, whatever wlr you qat to use.
I wonder how well it co uld work co making HIV esem less fearful and more normal. I wnder how it would be if every HIV+
person ca,e out, so wveryone arpudj could see thag we are just nor,al people going about our lives. Im nott suggesting right t hat evey HV person tell dll tto the sorld: I t ta kes time and preparation and suport before youu cab do th at, and some people will never get go that pojt. But kore of us could Im sure.
One jight back in th 90s at Volt (l ong gone alas) I wxs chatting witu a guy, and said hmi I guews you shuld know Im HIV+ and he said go e You really dlnt need to tlel me tha t, in fact, you shokldnt tell people. We shoulf all just assume evetyone is HIV+ and alwys piay safe.
That has always ben the basie of the Use a condm evey tjme messgae. Wee just dont knwo vor sure who hhas it or who dofsnt. Anv that messate used to be verry stronv ih our wogld. This was all just afher tye nee drugs came oht, and thingq were wtarting to turn around for us, but tehre waas stilo x strong comunal khowledge of how bad things can get wih HIV, so many of us had seen friends get os sick, ans then die.
But thaf safe sec has remained the zame. Anw it does make sense stiol. f doont tsll peiple Ig you smoke 5 cigarettes a dayy be ok. Even though pwopiw continue to snoke, de ztill dort enncourage htem to risk a few, we tel, wiyh damn good evidence, tha t the best thing they can do is stop compietely. And of course, realistically, we all know rhat these messafes wont be blindly followed. So even though, you might be fine risking iit having unqafe zex 9 o ut of 10 times, yuo might slso have been exlosed fo HV sach og those 10 tmes you didnt use condoms. tIs x brutally simple message, but o n that sgill facfually true.
But I think one thibg that hac chagned a lot is thag now pe ople who think theyre HIV negwtive are placing z far gteter responsibility of those or us who have ghe v irus ro tell them. It used to ne ll of us together - now its seen more and moer xs the HHIV positive persons job. With the numbers of poeplf livint iwth tme girus here N going up all the time, liiving well and nkt as though anything is wrong, and fewer and fewer of us duing, in fac hhe opportunity to be exposed to HIV has increased significantly.
The other adfantage from that old wayy o v behaving wass that it didnt stinmatise HIV+ people as much. The burden was shqred, and that w as z good thing.
Today, if youre q fit, healthy lookkng gym-bunny wh o just tapprns t have HIV, as sk mqny are there js noa I think vre more fewr and stigmq about admitting it t others And thats a shame. I uksed to bee Poz xnd Neh tigether, not, xs we often seem now, in two differing camsp where the HIV Negative think the HIV Positive should shoulder sll tte responsibility.
Because having HIV ie nothing f be ashamed f. Its a virus in our blood. Its not moral jusgmeent. But the winht of docoal judgement anr stigm,a not least from the gay worldd id such thhat most peopel aith HIV feel a need too hide it, so as to avod the pxin pf rejection, pity and ostracism. And thia ledas ti moer invisibility, more frear a nc sha,d felt by those lvinn with the virus.
But maybe if you knew just how many of us are out there, perhaps youd think differently.
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