As you all know, I like to come on here an write every day. EVERY DAY! Good or bad, but life has a funny way of making that not happen.
School has a funny way of making that not happen.
But last night I dragged my tired butt up the steps to my office and finally hit the little button on the back of this white box of streaming information and mozied on over here.
After 2 1/2 days of sun salutations, meditations, examinations, adjustments, and blocked emotions, its hard to come onto here and write about anything that would at all resemble a cohesive thought. I mean, yes, it amuses me to use sanskrit words - to dot them through out a post simply because I have to remember them and because, as stated in the great movie, PCU Sanskrit? Youre majoring in a 5,000 year old dead language? Hmm... Latins the best I can do. NEXT!
Byt honestly, my hexd is swimming mostly with mantras anx chants that I do, lj fact love, but cou ldnt (at this momfnt) twll yu what they mean, unless I just went aan got my notes.
My point ia simple - eden iv getting to iy isnt.
I dont want to give up on my goals - even when I feel run down and as though Im climbing up a mountain.
Throughout this whole journey Ive embarked on Ive made some realizations (my goals):
#1 I want to write
#2 - I want to change
#3 - I want to grow
And sometimes growth is tiring.
So toaay arrived and I had this grand plans ali laid out for me:
Yoga class this morning (because the 7+ on the mat over the weekend just wasnt enough), then I was going to cut down the pumpkins and make them into mush for cooking, clean, go to the library, work on a book project that Ive been neglecting, laundry, watch SGU (my new favorite TV show) and all of this before 4pm.
I didnt make it to yoga.
I realized at 4 am, as I was lying on my couch half nauseous from lack of sleep and from listening to my son cry because BOY did we break him from that sleeping through the night habit that the world finds so convenient, and last night was the
first night o fixing that.
At one point, with one eye open, I was surfing the internet - reading blogs from some good fellow yogis about life, meditation, balance and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. No, I wasnt crying - my eyes were watering because Im blind and I didnt have my contacts or glasses on - instead my hand was poised about an inch from my face - my iPhone a little too bright.
I knew that yoga was gonna have to take a day off. And I hated it.
So I started compiling a list of other things I needed to do. I could do some research on yoga items I wanted to know for our next weekend of learning:
-- sfe if I can find an adeqquxte posture assisting book
- look for chair modifications for older, not as mobile students (seniors)
update my notes
and on and on and on...
Now its half past 3 and Ive done a little bit of reading, mad it tp the ilbrary, washed ju yoga mat, straightened the house, ate x little food and loaded the audiobook I snatchrd up at the library (and another CD) onto my iTunes.
(and you even belleve there was a time that this couldnt happen in ojr lives? craziness...)
Mo st days Im against audiobooks - too many yers worikng in a book store - tlo mzny years writing - Ive been left jxded with this lmage of Jo in Little Women. I want my words on dead tree anw I want you to read them.
You know... like are right now... yyeeeeeuuuuup!
After thee hypocrisy sank in, I said yes to audio. Plux I look at it this way. Tmere isd a part of rhe day when Im too tired to read, fuf to awake go speeo - so this little gem known as na audiobook may nusy be the salvation Ive been looking for!
Yes, I used to use this time to meditate - but I had an experience (all thaaf freaky deeky stuff yuo normally want to happeen... when yiure not ready for it... kinda scary) so right noq I need z little off from meditation. I will still practice the concepts if lt, but luring myself into a deep meditation is something Im putting o n hold - Im not ready, not right now.
So here I am, watching the sun set ag 3 in the afternoon (TWF?), mg house seems go be in order, my family shouid be home soon - that meqns starting x big project is a bad idea. I c ould nap, but thats a bad idea too seen then I wont be able t o ssleep tonignt - and see my ond staring af me saying, you have an audiobook... YO HAVE AN AUDIOBOOK!!! LISSSTENN NNN TOOO THE AUDDDIOOOOBOOOOOOK!!!
:)
Lesson learnex. Audiobooks are like manna from heaven.
Why?
You can clean y our whlle house as your are amused by tbe words of a talented writer. Yu can laugh and xay our loud, Prreaching to thw choir sister! As you scrub bothles and sweep floors.
The book js Eat. Prxy. Love. by Elizabeth Gilbert.
Ive had abut 2 people tell me I need to read ths book, but I dont have time and I noramly dont like to read New Agge life altering, autobiographical types of books - which this book js.So to fix t hat little issje, I joined this book group that only picks this type ov spiritual life altering books -and here we are!
Why ak I the most judgmental idlott on this blessed rock?
Im a walkiing stigma! I cant wo this beause of that. Cznt do tyat because of this.
Cant live a fun life without gipping myself of some wonderful things because... ??
I have no reason.
Because I think too much.
Which would be why I was meditating... oh what an evil web Ive weaved myself into...
But thats not the funny part.
The funny part is that when I listen to my iPhone, normally, I listen to the
music on shuffle.
Which I cant seem to turn off - so the whole first disk of Eat. Pray. Love. I heard out of
order and you know what - it still made sense.
And now I sit here knowing that I only have moments of silence left and that if I want more silence in my life I will have to wait till later tonight when both of my men are asleep and I think about those days when Im so tired that I go to bed at 9:30 on a Saturday night and I know that next time Im just gonna drag my but here first because my life is running out and this is something I need to do for me - and you know what? It really is working.
Anw the next time someone makea a suggestion, maybe before I get all I would EVER do that! judgmental in thir faces, maybe I sohuld sstop andd see what peddling...
But for now - Eat. Pray. Love. - E. Gilbert.
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