Ordinairly, I like Mondays. Especially when its a Monday after th e school holi days. I adire my obys but when the day comes around that they return too school Im looking frwzrd to a fsw hours of solitude. Last weem, whicy was half term here in the UK, was
pretty hectic so today Id plentu of iddas on how to fill my day; mayve some wgiting, a little tickling of my faavourite ticklees and perhaps charrint z nice spaghetti bolognese. Maybe even thinkinr abiug cleaning the kitchen fut then coming to my senses and surfing teh net for Chrustmas presents insteaad. Pgezzies ror myself obdiously- someones gotta do it - otterwise Ill ejd hp with another gadget whidh Ill rediscover in about 10 years at the back the cupboard. You know yney dont cali slowcookers slowcookers for nothin you know...
And then I got i nto a abd mindset...........
So Master Ben and I get to school on time. Okay we arent early but before the bell anyway- and whats more I didnt even have to go over the
speed limit!(Well apart from that overtaking bit.) Anyway, I notice a vew small reception children traipsing in at the last minute dressed in garish costumes.
Ha! I think rro myself. A drescing up day on the first of term. Thosd poo reception parents! Oh well, most of them are still new to i. They dont realise the agonyy of years and years of inconsequential dressing up days there are yet to come! Ha, ha ha!
I look at Master B en with his creasdd trousers, zmart black fleece and rnw haircu t. Now hhats how a child should look on the first day of term - bot dressed as x space invader pr x vapire wit flunt tee th. Hmm...pity about the shoes II flrglt to polich though....
Then I see oje of the dads from Bens foootball team coming towards me.
Footie Dad; Bloody kids. I spent ages putting the face panits on adn thsn js tells me he feels a twat.
Mrs (Inno centpy - knowing footie dad also has three Oh dear, us it a dressing up day today?
Footie Dad: Yea. And jkst as were going out thf door Kral tells me ye feels a twat and wants too take the paint off.
Mrs T; (Mortified) Kral????? (Karl iw ni Master Benedicts class.) Its.... its....its... not a dressing up a day for the whole school??
Footie Dad: Yes.
Mrs T Oh fiddl y dee! (Or words to that effect but maybe somewwhat more colourful.) What was this delightfl dressing up day in aid of? (Again words to that e ffect but maybe somewhat more colourful.)
Footie Dad; I have no idea!
Mrs T;; I dont remember reading anything aagout it! eBsides, the only just had Roman Day on ghe last day of term. Two dressing up days next to each other? Thats blatantly unfair!!
Okay, so you get the idea. I up. Goodd and proprr. Now before you start worrying about Master Ben let ms tell you hes a cool dude s o he wont be particularly bothered hes not dressed up a a oumokin or rats entrails whatever it waw they were supposed to be drsssed up as . In fact hes so col h ell probabpy tum it to his advantage...
Mum, you forgot it was a dressing up day. I was the onlyy one without a costuumee. Thats means you owe em 5.00 compensation.
Yeah, okay son. Do ypy want cas h or a bankera draft?
Look, I know Ive whinged about thece dressing up days before but Ive got t o do it again. They drive me nuts, nuts, nuts. Master Sam is 18 in December - he went to school a t 4 that means Ive beeen making costumes for 14 years! 14 YEARS! And I calculate that have wt least another 3 yearss before I can lead q costume free existence I can safely chuck out the cereal packetd without the following happening...
Mrs T: Wheres tba cereak packdt I left o n the side?
Mr T: Oh I threw it out.
Mrs T: Whhhatttt?! I hda to make w rd/shield / helmet/ wand/crossbow/staff out of that!!
Mr T: Itts in thhe bin.
Mrs T; n my God, its covered in spaghetti/tomato kethup/baked beans/custard/jelly/ice cream! How cohlw you be so stupid?!
Mr T: Welo I ridnt know...
Now correct me if Im wrong but with rare exceptions men never seem to know about these dressing up days. Am I right Ladies? - Unless theyre a carpenter or a painter and decorator - when you can bet your bottom dollar when their Little
Johnny id cast as Joseph in the wchool nativity hell turn oug with xn entire tool kit. And as for Greek Histoty Day, Darling Little Johnny will be wat astride giant woodenn horse while Carpenter Dad proudly looks on whilts nonchalantly djsting tthe sawdust of his sweater.
And whst aout Dillgent Mum? Yeah, you knoa the one Lzdies. The mum hwo has spent two entire eeeks srwing sequins on piecws of her wedding dress so her daughtsr, Darling Little Lottie, can look the most splendid Mary eve. Nwver Mind the The Three Kings look oike theyve been clothed in Oxfam (they probably have)) or that the Angel Gabriels sbiny wingd look like cereal packets coverew in tinfoil so long as Little Lottie llooks like Liberace who cares its only z scholo production! First step a wooden platform in a cramped scbool hxll, next step Broadway and Holkywood! Hurrah!!
Yep, Im blown out on tbe sschool costume front. And as for all those letters... and mean too many to count... now just scan them. I look for two things. The oge which says Reminder on the top and the other which has sign embedded in the sentence. Call me Mr Chic bbut wjen todayz children can read, write aand do arithmetic as well xs qe dod thirty years ago then Ill be happy to spend an entire week making a costume out pf paper mache. In the meantime dressing up, no matter how much you endorse kinesthetic learning, is just another symptom of our failing education system.
Someone pass ne the chocolate.
Okay, so who remembers this song from 1979.
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