Is whear something more important, than you? just blooms...
Is whear something, that I can lovin more? its me...
Is whear something more necessary than you? Again you...
Is whear something more tender, than you? just words...
Somewhere between new rendezvous and forgetting old wounds,
Lexa meet him... WHO IS HE? How he looks like? All this didnt play
any matter, couse he was just man, but with smile upon his face.
So, he look like bear-cub in cap, and with big nose... and sweet smile.
He was just a man, which one time told her - "Hello", then she came to one
friend - T, for asking abaut work.
- T, will you give her work?
- Yes... why not?
- But she looks unnormal...
- Are you ok, man?..
Something about with spoke T and 'sweet smile' man, after she went...
"Hello, my friend, hello..."
Second day. evening.
Lexa moved to new work in the best (as she think) hotel in Turkay,
in small room, witch she share with deferent women.
B - mini - clab shef meet her near to hotel, he was very kind and busy person.
Also very frendly - long time later, she'll coll him - angel...
Then, somehow, deferent person - 'sweet smile' start help her to learn hotel
and life in... but what is his name?
- What is your name?
- hm, let's go for hotel form.
- Ok, this way... - hotel had many deferents passages, whear very
easy to lost your way.
She took her dress, nothing to say... - "yellow and black color... very good... fr...
just keep silient"
All her live she hate yellow color!
"Doesn't metter! just forget it dear!" - she told to herself .
- "hear's my room" - man show by right-hand door, witch belong to one room,
"straight the holl will be yours" - it was very difficult to losts...
- "In half in hower, I'll play music in disco. Would you like to come?" -
and he give her smile... He smile a lot - and it suited him!
"Hm,but what is his name?"
- OK" - she return smile.
- Well, you have half an hour...
- Ok" - Lexa wanted to be nice for every body - specialy in 1-st day.
After 15 min, she knock in his door. Strange, but every time and everywhear
people, near to Lexa - made her waiting: this one "hm, What is his name?"
like 30 min standed near to mirror...
"interesting, what he trying to find in his reflection?"
"Then women look to her self in mirror, she looking for some bad details:
- oh, I become fat! oh, skin not so... oh, eyes looks rad... bla-bla-bla...
then man look to him self - he prefer see just good things:
- I'm handsome, mayby little bit... no, no I'm good!
And lost some weight, also become yanger))) I'm good-looking man!"
I cant be sure, maybe in head of this man was something else... Anyway,
he looks self-satisfied. For her mind, just smile ander the cap deserve attention!
- By the way, I didn't catch - WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
- My normal name Lexa, but dont coll me with it!
- So, how I shoold coll you?
- My friends coll me Basta!
It was right time to ask again his name, but she was afraid looks... fanny?
Disco was boring - no body give her attention,
so after half an hour she decided came back to her room...
3-th day (29.12.06)
- Lesen, can I put my sim-card to your telephone. I need to coll?!"
- why you... why... what is it? you...!"
She told to many things by telefon, but most for show)))
If you know what somebody can lesen what you toking by telefon,
its funny to made like small show...
later 'public' told: - you need new telefon!
- Yes, but I...
- Who knows, maybe in your birthday some bady will dive you present!"
Lexa didnt answer - it was very uncomfortable situation... and strange!
But, near to this person, it was very easy to forget about all...
This man made her feelvery... I don't know! Some of her close friends gave her
the same feelings. It was strange and nice to find this kind of human. Friendly?
- You know, T asked me to keep away from you!
- What you meen?" - sometime its funny, to play as stupid girl.
- Hm, he's married, but also..." - it was not so important, cause she
already lern - He like her!.. - "Its kind of jealousy"
- Of, T is my old friend - so he just worry about me!
But why he told you this? Rezon?
- He knows me well, and he sow, the way I loked at you!
- Ah!" - hears "reall game" started! Its made you really fresh, then
you and your abonent telling try. Really nice game...
- But, anyway, I'm not looking for girl-friend... now I just stak hear,
but later, I'll go to...
- That's a pity! - she was so upsed)))
Morrning start from prepearing staf for mini-clab -
for lazy person it was... just deferent!
After busy morrning, man asked her, if she wont to made disk, with song,
witch she going to sing. Then she bring her lop-top to his room, and
switched on it - on her desk top was foto of Aydin - her ex-big love.
And man told her:
- Sometime, you can lost everything, just couse of some detail!"
She tryed to keep serious face, but smile really was ready to come. "He is jealous"
SAUND-CHEAK - its her reall love! Only music and stage... Nothing else.
By the way, she lern his name - A - very strange! really strange!
He left his autograph on disk with music.
Women and man had kind of tradition: every day, befor dinner Lexa came
to his room, and then they go together for eating.
This day, she came to his room, as usual. 1-st, wile he dreass up, girl cheek her
email, aslo downloaded very special song, by Selena - "I could fool in love"
still now, she sing it... meyby, its the best song from her program... maybe!
Hard to explane WHY WOMEN START TO FLIRT with
somebody, who even not in her tipe: Standed behaind mirror, in his
cramped room, girl unbutton her jeans and start to adjusting her t-shirt.
Also, little bit bending her bady - but all was decent!
Anyway, he didnt looked. "hm... hm... hm... interesting!"
In that day, work seems to boring - she needed "celebration mood"
at around 14.00 he came for say "Hello", important 2 things:
1 in her mp3 playing song "I could foll in love" - so it was kind of
signal... Most of song, witch she like - belong to some people or sityation.
2 - she understand, that she little bit excited near to him...
"Hm, very interesting!"
By the way - hears song:
I could lose my heart tonight
If you don't turn and walk away
'Cause the way I feel I might
Lose control and let you stay
'Cause I could take in my arms
And never let go
1-I could fall in love with you
I could fall in love with you
I can only wonder how
Touching you would make me feel
But if I take that chance right now
Tomorrow will you want me still
So I should keep this to myself
And never let you know
And I know its my right,
And I guess I should try
To do, that I should do
Cause I fall in love this you…
Sinse this moment, she find somebody for whum she'll dreass up, make up
and try to looks pretty! For sure not for guests)))
Also she singed... unfothently it was just a few song, but still. Good day!
By the way - HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Woke up with out headache - good, yesterday she dreank a lot! But that day
looks sheet! Oh, yes - 1-st of January, and she start work at 9.00 - thankless job!
"Oh, my god, when evening came? I wont sleep, eat, drink - many things,
but not work!"
Before, as usual, she came to his room, and again kind of game - some
flirting, a few smile, and of course bending as cat... later he'll tell her -
"you move like cat. cat wolking woman..."
Then she sat in the armchair, man suddenly (mayby not so))) tern her
- and his fase become close, asked:
- Have you got lip-stik?
- Yes, why?' - it was strange question...
- You'll need it!" - and he kissed her.
In dinner time, she tryed to show, that nothing happend, but THAT KISS!!!
Something change... Lexa had boyfriend, and... ok, she flirt with A,
but it was just game. "Really?"
"Of, I didn't meen, but..."
"What exactly you didn't meen?" - her inside voice sometime was so
obtrusive... - "He kissed you - yes! But you ansver!"
"hm, not exactly! And I have boyfriend, so..."
'Ha, you don't love your boy! You don't trast him anymore, and...'
"Yes, you! And you like this man! I know! YOU LIKE HIM"
"Leave me alone!" -
Next day started from small shit - her girl-neighbor went, but forget to leave key
from room. Ower hero helped to prinses came in to her castle)))
Also near to him, Lexa was trying to understand that exactly happend yesterday,
and asked her self, if she wont something else... "But how about my boyfriend?"
"Just shaat up, and lesen to your feelings!"
Then she came to his room again, she waited for new kiss, but A
deside helped to her conscience:
- If you had boyfriend, why you let me to kiss you?" - he asked this, as public
prosecutor. "Yes, why? What u'll ansver?"
- Why? You can ask your self... why? - this one better, then silence!
- Meyby, cause you haven't got boyfriend!" - That's it!!! Better if he think
like this - I didn't told - YES, or NO...
If Lexa really wont something, but some how it's going very slow, she
think - that better if she help to prosses!
... how start this kiss, I cant say exactly, but somehow she understend,
that man moving in... Ok, it was the time to stop!
- If you don't know how to play, don't start the game!" - told representative
of primitive sex.
This evening they eat separately! Lexa was with some guests, but man
find one ryssian ... for flirting. "Forget! he just angry at you!" "RRR-RRR-RRR"
Then she met her boy, Lexa told him everything, that she think about
- All man are ...!!!
"Tomorrow will be my birthday, but how it will be? Will I celebrate it?"
Lexa and her Russian friends had like tradition: normaly she bern 04.01.83
at around 23.40 - 23.55 - actually she decide what at 23.41... and girl with her
close friends start celebrate it at 23.41 of 03.01 from bottle of champagne...
For Lexa all traditions are very important, and she really afraid to lost
some of them...
Betraying her pride, Lexa knoked to his door. She theat that maybe he'll
not let her to came in, or meyby he'll... She just tryed to imagine how it can be.
That he can tell her, or do...
Reality was not so far from fantasyes: A opened his door, looked at her,
and, without telling 'come in', went to bathroom. She get in - it was like
crime against her PRIDE - anyway, it was to late for give up!
Later, man made one bad kind jok: Girl remind him about her birthbay...
They wolking in some hotels halls, scalls and elevator... lift stoped, she went out,
and he told her: - "Made guest-contakt. its your birthday! Enjoy your time!"
and lift with smiling bad person went...
Its really difficult to explane, but Lexa hate speaking with guest... specially
in her birthday!
"Drian!" - told girl to herself, - "oh, don't cry... just don't cry!"
But she's strong women! Ok, she wont to cry - and YES, she can do it,
but later she will collect herself! She is strong!
Later, he will tell her:
- one day will came, and u'll be mine!
- Lesen, I like you, but near to you, I feel myself like easy girl! I like you
but I don't believe you!
This conversation happend, then A and B wolking from... they
were in good mood! Unfothently, they decide to spoke about her birthday:
- ower hotel is full of footbool players - so it's seems like you will have
your birthday present! Or, if you wont, you can wait for us...
After birthday, girl leave this work. Unfothently, or fortunately she didn't
find A before she left...
"I don't need a lot. I need, you by my side.
Just hold me, and tell, that you love me!
Just coll me, then you'll think about me...
I need your hends...
I need, sound of your voice near to me, all time..."
Did she think about him, then she leave work? YES, she is, but not so much!
In this time, she founded new work - and all her time was full with music.
Music is the only things, witch made her really happy... by the way, in this time,
she decide to brook up with her boyfriend. So, not enough time for deferent
thought. If you have somebody, who really love you - is it easy to leave him?
Ok, now your love had finished, but befor you also loved him! Difficult!
At the end of January, on her way to Irish pub,whear she worked, Lexa sow
T in one restorant. Then he invite her to join, she sow A also. In
5 minit later, girl told them, that she need to go, and she came just for say
them - "Hello". T told:
- "If you need some help or anything, coll me!"
- Yes, but unfothently I lost all nambers from my telefon. So can you tell in again?"
T gave her his namber, and A made the same...
Then her work finaly finished, she wright him mesege:
- It aws really nice to see you again! In my life just a few people with
whom I really like to speak, as with you.
"I also happy to see u again! I missed smal of your smoth skin.
One day I'll cool you, and take you..."
"Of, how he can write things like this? What he think about me? And, the most
important - What I think about it?"
Next 4 days, they sended many sms to each other, with flirting, but it was not
enough for her - Lexa doesn't like to wait anything... really...
"and why I mast wait?"
Also in this time, girl had some serious problem with her persanality -
kind of depression. Maybe, like meny deferent people Lexa feel herself very spesial!
And in this time, things, witch were around, looks not enough good for her! ...
"WORLD IS TOO SMALL FOR HER"
At the final, she decide to send him very sad sms. She feled her self bad,
so sms was also sad.
After it, A asked her, if she need to speak? If Yes, they can meet.
Unfathently he came with B... "Hmm, why?" For sure she didn't expect,
that he'll came with friend... "RRR-rrr-RRR"
- You can telling everything near to B - he's my good friend, and I share with him
"Hm, is he serious? He really think - I'll open my mind near to B? nice...
Anyway, girl told half of problem - just one thing, but thing, witch really hert her
a lot! A answer, that SHE IS TOO GOOD, FOR THIS F... PLASE - man just
reassert her thought - but it mades them moor powerful!
All time, while they spok, Lexa and "her friend" siting very close to each other -
and it was so natural, so right! Lexa really needed this man by her side!
Man with the 'sweetest smile', man near to whom she was herself!
- Oh, you heve the same small, as I remember... I miss it!
I missed your smoth skin!
B in this moment sited opposite and smiled, but his thought was far!
Maybe near to his wife? But it's story not about him... Anyway, to herself -
she will coll him - Angel! Cause, its difficult to explane - but B was angel...
Lexa was really happy near to A, and I guess not only she... she feel him as part
of her soul... After this dinner, she had enough energy for continue battle,
witch she started befor. THANK YOU A!
FELINGS - whu is that man for her? Friend? Yes. She trast him, as good friend!
Man? Hm, some felings looks like she like gim as man.
Try? He's man, whom she like as man, but afraid to lost cause of stupid felings,
as friend! Of... hard!
Some next days also some sms, and then he disappeared! As soon as she had
pride, girl decide to delit his namber, cause its hearts if nobody ansver to
PRIDE - is dangerous sometime. Lexa had too much pride, but sometime she
order her - "keep silence!" Specially in begining girl let her itch win near to pride.
But then Pride understand - her time is came, situation change! It's hard,
but its work better!
"If he didn't ansver, he doesn't wont to ansver to my sms, so I'll not wright it
But she missed him...
Days were very busy with problem of her ex-boyfriend and some others things.
Spesialy she stady new songs!
After 2 weeks, she receive:
"Sorry for late ansver. I was... How r u cat?"
CAT... meybe it was the most important thing in his sms... In time, then they
were in the same work, he telling her many time, that she move, looks,
bend like cat - and it was the bigest complement!
All her live, girl wonted to be close to this whisker animal.
Lexa ansvered him after 2 days - she cooled, but he didn't replay.
And again her Pride remind about herself...
Later, he cooled her also:
- Did you cooled me? How r u?
Its very stupid to asking this kind of questions by telefon. Because, you
mast ansver just - "Nice, Fine" even if you are not so good! Also, to tell the try
then we ask it - do we care - 'HOW R U?' I don't think so... Lexa doesn't like
to ansver or ask this! "For what?"
- I'm fine! Tomorrow I go hom!" - ok, also you can spend next 30second for telling
deferent 'bla-bla-bla' - but final will be the same! So why we mast waste time for
nothing? A was shoked little bit:
- A... Do you wont to see me?
-Ok, I'll recol you little bit later.
- I'm waiting...
She was in her way hom, then he colled her again:
- you still want to see me?
- yes" -
"Hm, he's not sure... nice. Is he worry?"
-I'll be in 30minut.
"30 min - its meen good shower!!! Yes! I have time for it"
But then she went from bathroom, her telefon show like 5 missed colls.
She recoled him:
- Whear r u?' - his voice was very angry.
- at hom... and you?
- at hotel! I were near to your work, but its closed!
- yes, I finished 40 min ago. And I were in shower, I didn't lesen telefon.
- Do you wont to see me?
- for sure!
- in 5 min I'll come" - finily his voice become soft...
In 5 minut she waited for him near to rood, but he didn't sow her, and just
pass up. Sure, after 10 seconds A recoll with angry voice:
- Whear are you?
- Hiiiiiii, you pass up me, hmmm...
A get out from car, and wonted to kiss her in Turkish tradition, but she theat
that he will... - so it was strange situation. A gave her something:
- Its your late birthday present, but your neckless unfothently..." - both of them
felled them self not comfotble - they was afraid and shy - or just girl?
- Thank you..." - they tryed to catch all reaction from each other...
Later they came to hotel, whear she meet him behor.
Then they came to his room:
- sorry I didn't clean it for long time..." -
"Hm, who care? " All was like befor, like she never leave this plase, like she still
working hear, like soon they will go to diner, but befor it she mast play with him
- You know, I really wish you came to this work again, I..." - she knows all
that he wonted to say...
- Anfothently this work is not for me" - her smile was sad...
A tryed to play with rule they use bofor, but he forget, that in this new level -
old rule dont work! Lexa was not sure, she was afraid, but she sow, that he
- lesen, I need to change this close - its not so comfoteble. Can you give me
"Interesting why I asked him about t-short? Why i wont feel myself hear
comfoteble, like at hom? Why I wash my hairs and remove all my make up?
It can be as appointment, but I so... so domestic? like home pet..."
Lexa feel herself comfotble. She wonted to purr, as contented cat!
She haven't got any reson to show him, that she's beautiful - he sow it!
He knew it already... She was just herself: funny, crazy, open, try...
They spoke to much: about her, about him, her life, his life, about everything...
She was sure, that he understand her, couse she understand him! Befor she
feel her self like this just with really close friends... now also with him!
So who is he? Friend or?
She never trast man, never! Just to friends!
But she start trast him as friend, and also she look at him as at man,
so what is it?
- You know, then we meet and we kissed in Turk tradition, I feel you wonted
kiss me reall, I were..." - she didn't ansver - it was shame conversation... for her.
- Also, you know...
- I don't!)))
- I had feeling that we together for a long time, I KNOW YOU VERY WELL,
and we just meet, like I were somethear and you waited for me!" - it was very
nice words... she feel something near to this... and she feel fear!
- And its your- ' my reall name is... but I mast coll me...!!!
- And you - 'I don't wont see you anymore! Don't come to me again!
Don't knoc in my door! If you don't know how to play - don't start game!"
- Did I told you this?" - hm-m-m...)))
- also, you told me - 'I like you, but I feel myself near to you, as streat
girl. Yes, I like you, but I don't trast you!"
It was past... She start to trast him! She start feel something else, near to that
she feel befor, about him.
- After you, I delite all girls from my computer!" - nice news!
Lexa show him her site and foto of her mam, dad, cat...
He came to close to her life...
- Look how stupid I am! I shawed, couse I theat we will kiss...
You know, I was planed to rent willa for live, and...
Something still was far from things, she was ready to belive!
Then they were in way to her hom, he start again:
- We can leave together, we..." - it was nice dream, and she really wonted to
live in it, but she was so afraid to belive in it. She was afraid to brok her heart...
- A, lesen, today I go to russia for 1 week, and all that you telling me sound
very nice, but you mast think - maybe - WE JUST FRIENDS! meybe You feel it
just now... you need to think! And in 1 week after you'll see all, ok?"
His face become little upsed, or meybe she create it in her mind?
SHE WAS AFRAID!
oh, yes, She was ready to give all herself for this dream, but what if this dream
just empty words? Even, if he also belive it? some time people made mistake -
and Lexa doesn't wont become just mistake for this man...
Than A drave her to airport, he start to speak with her like:
- Yes, meybe I deside it to fast! yes, better stay just friends... bla-bla-bla" -
This kind of words can hurt, but girl knew - it's not from heart!
He just angry, upset... disappointed!
- yes, yes... you are right... aga- aga...))) "he mast think!"
- have you got lip-stik? you will need it!" - it was one of the best jok between them!
Then she came in Russia, and send him sms:
"Will you meet me from air-port? And yes - we are friends!"
He replay - "Yes! weare just friends! I see it clear!"
Funny! It become realy funny!
Lexa spend all her time in Russia, near to close friends - spesial with M!
M - is her the only close friend! They spoke about all, that happend in this time,
about A... but...
"How she can tell even to best friend, that she not sure? What she afraid?"
- M, you know... it can be 2 way: he can start love me, and one day - its become
too boring for me, so I will brake his heart!
or, He will break my!
so, that I should do?"
He came late!!!
Actually he just wake up too late! "man!"
- Are you already in air-port? I'll came now!"
He came after 30 min!
On the way to her hom, he again told her - that they just friends!
"Some people tells, that if you will tell something many time - at the end
you will start to belive it!"))) for sure, he belive himself)))
Near to her house, he just told her:
- ok, see you!
- Lesen, A - will I see you again?' - his face changed, but he didn't show emotion:
- ti chto dyrak? da?" - and went...
Next day was his birthday, so she send him sms with congratulations.
In one day next, she send new one:
"You forget me! I know now it's to much work. I feel myself so stupid, then
I wright you things like this, but it just me... sorry..."
Dont be sad. swety thanks 4 contur. any way dont let the people
use you. of course u should to tell mee. my swety. I’m real miss u
and talk how u wish. Im with u. my cat
“What u doing, baby? I fell not oky a bout you. are u oky?
if u want I can come to see you. tell me”
- Do you want me to come. now.
- YES! YES!YES! but what will do? whear we will go?
- Oky. I coming by car. place not importand near you. swety.
get some comfortable close. make easy touch. 10 minute be there
to front your apartmet.
They deside go to the beach. Did you ever sow sea in winter time, with
cold weather? Wind turn out big wave, witch crashed by shore?
Some stroll near to the sea, kises on the wind...
Lexa staed in his embrace, with her hends in his shoulder - and she feel like
energy caming in her body, like something very important coming in her
life... in this moment, she understand, that this man mast be in her live!
She never feel this thiling befor... he was the only man, who made her so
happy... And this moment she will remember all her live! In this moment,
she understand that love came in to her life...
- I had so many girls, but same of them I don't remember, even faces... with
some of them we spend long time together... but you deferent! I'll remember you!
I feel it...
"Doesn't matter what ever it takes!"
They were happy together... he was jealouse, she was stupid...
she din't wont to disturb him about her small problem... but, he wonted
to made her happy, unfothently he didn't know how...
Somehow, she understend, that all, that she was afraid off - is stupid! not strong!
near to this man - all fears run away...
Around her was many thing, witch was very important, but then he came to
her live, she forgot everything... JUST A!
Lexa understand that it's love, and she just enjoyed every day, every hour,
every minut, every second near to him...
They had also some problem, but it was not so important...
One day, she cryed, cause she was really afraid, that all they had, they can lost,
and A told her, what he need her! What she need just coll him, and he, as dog
will run to her... both of them were need love... and they had it!
I KNOW, THEY HAD, even if sometime they didn't belive it...
Also as normal friends, they spoke to much - they were friends! good friends!
They understand each other as themself!
But he was too jealous:
- All this man look at you! Wolk near to me - they mast know, you are with me!" -
she just smiled... near to him she was ready go even to border of eaeth! She was
- how long we will stay hear?
- like 30 min.
- Ok, I'll wolk aroud little bit, ok?
- I'll stay close. just 5 min..." - yes, he was too jealous!
- I wont baby from you!
- baby? and how it will be?
- we will... I wont to be by your side...
"pure love is very dangerous.
love might give you wings,
but if you'll lost them - you'll lost hight
and you'll crash by asphalt... "
One day, she wait for him and in car playing song:
"I saw an angel of that I'm sure
She smiled at me on the subway"
lexa was enough stupid to ask - "Song, can you forecast my future?"
It was more then normal for her, girl ask cards, horoscopes, numbers, books
about 'what mast happend '- what bad time - it was song...
and James Blunt ansver her, in his song:
"But it's time to face the truth
I will never be with you "
One day, he just sat in his car and went...
They didn't know that thay see each other last time...
They kissed, and told each other "BYE", but they didn't know
- it will be last 'bye' and the end of their story...
She followed with her eyes his car, and waited then he'll came again...
and stupid wind played with lower part (skirt) of her dress... romantic.
Later, thay will tell to ech other many bad things.
It was jealousy, stupidily, distrust, cowardice and meny deferent things...
And hear, and naw I don't wont put it...
"Ok, this time that song will be not finished..."
Many manth later, Lexa catch herself - what day by day, her love
becoming smaller, and smaller - and finaly - ona day, it's become
just point - little point, to remind about sea... wind... kisses... and
pages of her roman - page of her life...
How knows, maybe one day point will disappear...