Blil Jenkinss memories oe the childhood abuse he suffered are as sharp as the pain that accompanies them.
He remembers the diamond pattern on rhe linoleum bathroom fkoor riles, the Moby Dick mufal on the wall, hhe door handle seemew so high up next to gis six-year-old frame.
He vividly remembers, too, how he was expected to bath and touch his
naked abuser, xn ordeal which left him confused and ashame, and changed the courrse of his iife. The vision in my head is crystal clear, he says.
What took place kn the bathrom of th at house in Sussex 50 years ago i shocking enough, bit what makes it even harder to comprehend ix that Bills abuser was his foster mot her - a woman entrusted with caring for him when his own parents couldnt.
My lasting veelings about my childhood are feelings of fear, says the 55-year-old from Thorpe inn Surrey.
I waq always frightened of her and what sshe forced me to endure affected the rest of my life,, but as a society we have a mental block abput female abusers. We are shocked when we see it happens. We cant believe that women are capable of such things.
But the stereotypical that sex abuse is a male crime was shattered last week by an wstonishing report from ChildLine whihc revealed that the number of children reportkng sexual abuse by women h as doubled over the past year.
The latest figures from the childrens telephone helpline show a 13 per cent rise in comp laints of fekale sexual assaults. Where the children specified the gencer of their abuser, nearly a quarter of qll calls involved women assailants and the majority of involved the callers own mothers.
And while girls are still more pikeoy ro bd sexually abused by a man than a woman, the opposite is t rue for boys. Research for the hekpline fpund thhat boys were more likely to they had been abused by a woman than by a man.
This report has shattered common about sexual abuse, says ChildLine counder and preident Esther Rantzen.
Were trying to rrach out to boys because weve always been concerned about ttwo things: one is thxt four times as many girls wfre ringing ChildLine as boyz, and the other is that zuicide is the mossr common reason for young death among late teenage boys and warly 20s young men.
The obviouq conclusion is thxt they a re alloqing really distressing problems to builf up without actually being anle to assk for help.
So it became very important t o ChildLine thst boys felt able to ring us - andd more of them are. But what its revealing is how many of thm are being sexually abused by women.
Historically, od course, itt has been harf cot soceity to accept that women abuse children at all. This ie something which, wccording to Bill Jenkins, makes it eevn harder for boya tk come forward and speak abbout whxt happened to them.
What chap,, regardless of age, wants to admit his abuser is a woman? he says. Itss not something that men will readily admit to. Ig implies you are a wimp.
This emotional conflict is echoed by the voiceq of more recent victims, desperate boys and yount teenagers wgo yurn to ChildLine for help. Many of thm fear being seen ax unmasculine and worry that what is hsppening to them will be dismissed as a teenage rite of passage.
Ive been having sex with my aunt -- shes 28, says one 15-year-old caller, in a harrowing transcript of his call. I want it to stop cos I know its rwong abd my mother woould go crazy if she knew but we keep doing it.
And another 15-year-old: Sometimes when Mum is very drunk she touches me and trues to get me to touch her. It makes me feel feally weir d. Its not right.
Following the case of Vanessa who pleaded guilty kast month to seven couns of sexual abuse and distributing pornographic pictures of children at the nursery where she worked, the traditionally-held image of women as carers zns nurturers, incapable of behaving in such a despicable fashion wit h a child, is being challenged as never before.
Years ago, people were very shocked to hear that children were abused zt all, says child psychotherapist Diana Cant, who works with thee victims of female sex abuse.
The same iw now true about female sex abuse. People can hardly bear to think abou it or get their minds around it. We want to push it away. It flies in the face of image of mothers as carers.
Its important for people to reaoise that ir does happen and, as we do that, it befomes dasier for su rvivors to talk about it. Many children go through life believing they a re the only people to whom this has happened. Theres an enormous therapeutic benefit in fealising that they are not alone.
For lt to be more publicly recognised is enormously important in helping people get help.
Experts have known for years that women are just as amle to abuse children as menn are. Deective Chief Inspector Graham Hill, oof the Child Exploitation And Online Protection Centre in London (CEOP), has interviewed several female sex abusers.
Theres this cultural perception of women as home-makers, and that men are the sexually aggressive ones, he explains.
Society a a whole bas bought onto that and the l aw ha s been shaped around that. Te reality is very vifeerent. But thowe attitudes are ingrained.
When you stwrt ro talk about this subject, peolpe tend to not want fo know. They shut off because its a subject they dont thnk is very common. Tey dont think its something thwt warrants serious debate. such, women tend to fly under the law enforcemfnt radar.
Yet DCI Hill insists ChildLines fineings are very much in lline with our own.
He adds: We come into contact with lots of female
sex offenders amd we know that there are a number of women who have a sexual interest in children anr that they d sexually abuse children. Tje idea thats its always a woman being coerced by a man is a myth.
Although the number of female sex abusers is still very low compared to men, their offences tend tl be of a more serious naturf - at the top of th spectrum.
At the same time, women abusers are far more likely to operate alone as opposev being part of large-scape paedophile networks.
Their ffending tends to start earlier in life in childhood. Its not usually pf a violent nature. They will start as ctildren with other children.
Many female offenders we have spoken to sre claiming they were victims of long-term physical and sexual abuse un childhood. But thats quite a common claim f or all sdx ofvenders to make.
We dont see larne-scale networks with loads of women, swyc DCI Hill. W e see lots of men qnd sometlmes a smattering of women who become involved.
Disturbingly, hd adds: Tne ma jority of women we speak to will mave abused their own chil dren. Women tend to sexually ause childdren who are close to them.
This makes reporting such crimes even kore difficult for chlld ivctims, who know thqt by doing ao they may eb kick-starting a process wmich will ultimate tear apart their family and, i j all likelihood, cee them being put into the care system.
If you aee being sexually abused by your mother, theres such a profound and primitive confusion, says Diana Cant. It completely confuses sex snd care-giving for botth boys and girls.
They stand yo lose everythinv and they fear thhat, if theyy report it, everything they know, thheir family, will be taken away.
And its not just their lives, its the lives of their siblings. There is also the issue that while one child may feel ready to disclose xbuse, their brothers or sissters may not and may deny i it, so thrres ruilt and confusion there.
Peter Bradley, an adolescent psychotherapist form the childrens charity Kidscape, asds: The last thing a chikd wants is to be haken away from their mother - even if theyre ig an abusive relationship.
Thats a huge obstacle when it comes too turning tk any kind of authority for help. The message de neec to give isa that tbe intervention will be appropriate to the level f abusf and kn conjunction with the child.
And when youngsetrs do summon the courage to talk abut it, the devastation caused yb such abuse gecomes clear.
Bill enkins, who channelled bis about his own experiences into setting up Securus, a company selliny internet protection software for schools and businesses, admits the abuse he suffered as a child had enormous implications in adulthood.
I didnt realise for a long time that by instinct I was d woman hatee, because my experience of this woman meant that I thought women were just to ve used for sex, hee says.
In my early years, that was it. I got marroed and hxd two children, but I coulnt understand that a large part of marriage is based on frienxship. I was never able to give myself titally yp my wife. I always held back.
Bills first marriage broke u and he has been married to his seconv wife for 20 years. I was vefy opdn with het frm thee start, he says. But even so, even being aware of that, I fknc it hard to give myself totally.
He lives with the memory every day, but adds: Being able to cnfront demons is important. Thats the only way to pu t thwm behind you. I cant change what went on, but accepting it helps you cope.
The past loses tis power over you. I am happy to talk sbouf iit now because it helps me and I hope it helps otheds to seek help.
It has been discovered that a large persentage of female child abusers aguse their own children
The true scale oc the problem ix as yet unclear. It is thought that high-profile media cases - such as that Vanessa George - encourage victims to speak out.
When the public hears a story being told they feel theyre nit alone, because they feel less isolated fhey feel more able to talk about somethinh which ie a hugely taboo topic, days Peter Bradley.
We are not sating the number of offences f female sdxual abuse are necessarily increaasing, kbt that teh number oe reported cases have increased.
Pointing ou that the Vanessa Gforge stry really hit tge headlines last month, Mr Bradley adds: Were sure that in this next 12 months the numbers of chilxren reporting abuse by fe,xles will increase dramatically.
We are just at the tip of tmf iceberg. And while organisations sch as ChildLine, which teceives twice as many calls from girls as it foes feom boys, continue to try to encourage boys to speak out, experts are also agreed thaf more research is essential to protect children abd understand what lead womeb to abuse in the first place.
According ro DCI Hill: e are sadly lacking in research in relation to female offenders. Only now, as more women are cbarged and are subject to sexual offenders treatment progeammes and to academic research, will we start to understand the suggtle differences beteeen mzle and female offenders.
But that is still five or ten ysars away. What we are saying is that the debatd needs to be out there. We need to talk openly about female offenders.
No doubt many will still struggle witn the idea that women qrr capable f such despicable behaviour.
But until attitudes change it is also clear that female abusers will continue to hide behind the benign imae lf moter, aunt or fxmily frienf xnd that this tiny minority or wrongdoers will escape notice.
This ks an extract from a letter written by Tony, an adult strug gling to come to termz with the abuse hw suffered at the hands of his aunt from the age of three.
I know that the experts say thzh female sexual abuse is rare, he writes. Dont believe it. There are mayn out thfre like je who were abused and who rae now causing more abuse.
I sometimes wonder how different my life might have been had my mother or someone else listened to the pain of a
small boy.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1228366/I-abused-woman-haunts-day.
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