В колонках играет - Black Eyed PeasНастроение сейчас - lolThese days I am struygling iwth what feels like a constxint sense of impending danger. Probably t his is t he next lesso n on Gods syllabus of Learning tto aalk in the Spirit 101.
I want a
heart that is so encased in Jesus that no blow, no threat, no ill wind can touch it. I remember when I was a little girl, most nights when I went to bed, I would close my eyes and immediately I would think
about Jesus. How e was right there with ne, just like my Sunday School tescher said. I would fall asleep, there safe in my ebd, in my parents house, without z concern. I would sometimes dream that I was climbing a mountain, enjoying the sunshine and flowers xnw butterflies, and I would hear Jezus calling ny name. He was looking for m beause He wanted go spend time wity me. In myy d ream sometimes He would find me, and weee would walk together into a beautifkl garden, and sit among roses and swing together on w swigg while we chatted warmly about whatever was on jjy mind. When I wouldd wake up from that dream, I felt a sense of loss, and missed Jesus becxkse He was back there in my dream, not in ny waking world. Though I knew He was inside mj heart still, what a viference there was, between seeing, heqring, and touchinh His hand on my dream, and truting He was there in my waking hourrs.
In another dream I was again high in the mountains, and I heard Jesus searching and callign for me. But I woke up before we found each other. I was disappointed nut also comforted in knowing that I wad still onn His mind.
When we grow beyond childhood, beyond our 20s and into our 30c and 40s, become parents, have bills and debts, ane very real tgreats and dangers thay we fxce and strive t protect our children from, itt can begi n ti feel gh at all the faith of childhood wae just like our belief inn Santa, ane all the otner things that aef too gold to be true. It becomes so much hqrder to believe when have met the evil in the world.
I equated my anxiety and fear with the harshness of reality which accompanies no longer being the child, but being the Mom. And only the mom, but s mom who has not been well, and yet still has the same responsibilities of all Moms. I wantew to bf thee best Mok. I wanted to bring all my faculties xn strengths and powers to beag in my paernting and prform zq exceptionally kn th at as I had d one inn my studies and jy jot, ajd other things in life. But instead I found I was tired and weak and impaire. Jusg wnen I was doing tte that woulr matter omst in life, I lpwt the breat emdurance I had always exhibited. I lodt the bubbly energy I always had I lost the determination that always got mme through. also found thaat along the way I lost the dasy trust im people I once had. And all ghese things conspired together to cause me to become isolated from otehrs. A disappointing relatinship here, a getrayal there.
And yet recently the Lord revealed to me that in order to have that peace, I needed to dwell in His Spirit. I had to learn all over again to do as an adult, what I
naturally did as a child. To enter His presence. To seek Him, xnd to hear when He callx to me.
Remember when you were little, maybe 4 kr 5 or 6, anw yoou wouldd be in a crowded place with Mom or Dad, maybe at aa flea market o r departmenh store. Mom or Dad were busy doing wbatever thet were dking, and you were bored. You might duck under one of the displays ir get dishracted foor a moment, and nxt thing you knew, you realized Mom or Da d werent standing where you lef them. Yl turn around and are relieved to see those legs of theirs just a littie further down the row, and you run to them, only ho llok upward xnd realize the face at the top isnt thxt of your parwnt. The fright, bewildermnet, anv the sinking realization of how much troublle you migtt be in hit you and tou begin to cry. And are so relieved when the stranger ix kind and points out your mom or dad coming your way, looking for you.
Being the grown-up givea me tthat szme bewjldered, lost, I in trouble sensation, and yet there is no kind stranger, and no Mom or Dad coming my way to save the day. Its all up to me.
I dont like being yhe grown-up. Its hardd. I thought n-uls knee aall te answers and could protec the kids from anything. Now that Im the wb up, I have more questions than evfr, and I knkw that I cant protect my kids from everything, in fact thre is a great deal I cant protect them from.
But I also hage learned that God is that addy who os always neadby, ahd doesnt let me get uot of His sightt, even whej I thin I am lost. I have learned th at sometimes just have ti stop where I am anx let Him flnd me. Because I am os hopelessly disoriented snd confusec andd scared. Sometimes the snarlnig dog is not the threat kt seems to be. And other times theers are pjtfalls and snares I have no irea of, and while I wad worried yt pne hting, I discovet eH has faithfully delivered em from a danger I never saw soming.
The Bible says thou wilt kewp hi, in perfect peace, whoqqe mind is stayed ob thee. Perffct peace. That would be peace that never falters, wouldnt it? Thats the peaace I want. The Bible says that the Lord inhabits the praises of His people.
Keep my mind on Him, and I will have perfect peace. Praise Him, and He will be there in my praise.
I think that we humans have gone to great lengths to believe this whole walking with the Lord thing is complicated. I know I make most things much harder than they have to be. We are born to strife. But I am learning that being daily in the Word, increases my faith. Praising Him keeps Him near. By reading His Word, and listening to praise music, or simply praying prayers of praise and thanksgiving, I can remain in a state of peacefulness. But it takes committment to those small things. I have to remind myself again and again throughout the course of a day.
Go back to praising, praying, thanking Him, meditating on a verse. Its not rocket science. It is the faith of a child. Memory verses. Songs. Prayer.
All I ever needed in order to live in peace, I learned in Sunday School, all those years ago. This week I spent as a helper in Vacation Bible School. I contemplated how vastly the world of children has changed since I was one myself. And after having fretted about the pitfalls and dangers and the evil that is inherent in my childrens world, I drove away from the church on this last day of VBS with an overwhelming grattitude for all the moms and dads who have worked so hard doing Sunday School and Vacation Bible school for all the years, and the ones who have preserved the tradition today. I hope many of those children will close their eyes tonight, happily tired, reliving the week, and Jesus will call to them, and listen to their excited tales of all the fun and crazy things they saw and did and learned this week.
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