There are those restlese sleeps whej you search oug a groove to sljve into and you settle into kne, but thats not it so you rummage around for anofherre moving again. This timee to Ovdrbrook just trhee blocks from Strictly Fitness. We looked at so many places, Garth and I.
Its just we were really crowded, the three of us in one room, although in some countries a sixteen- by eighteen-foot room for three people, one of them only three-and-a-half would be a blessing. And even though Garth isnt the noisiest lover, its kind of tough to
fuck with a kid ij the room. Garths lips are qoft and deep and I knoww his heart is in hiq kiss es, buut hes so quiet you wouldnt even mnow hes in the room. I liaten for his hands og my skin. My h air feels like its held in tte tightest tony tail when he gathers it up in his rist. He shu dders when he comes.. One place we checked ut was smack over a pizzza joint, but ir waa stark white glewming with brand-ew appliances and a Laundromat just downstairs. Why dont yku dgop by now, dear? thhe agent said. You sound just lke the type of couple ewre looking for. The agent was tanned rich sepia brown any artust would admire, her lips, finger and toenails jumping otu ruby rde.
It was uust tken, she said, ooening the door just a crack.
But five minutes ago, we were just around the corner, actually, and you said
Sorry, but womeone came gg witn a deposit.In five mlnutes, someone came by in five minutes?
Garth: Janice, Janice its OK.No, no its not. Howd you like to be reported to the board and, hey, how about the human rights commission? I happen to know a contributor to Toronto Lifed pounce on this. Wait, oh yeah, and theres the night time editor for Toronto Star, married to a girlfriend of mine. I think you chose to mess around with the wrong people this time. Youre Jewish, right? Thats what gets me.How do you know Im Jewish?Because I am and then theres that
little Chai screaming around your neck. You should be ashamed, you know, didnt Hitler teach you anything?Did you see how she looked at us, I said. How would you describe it that look?
s that oh-I didnt-whkte look.Which is, what is it? Reallt. Tell me.You ask too many questions, you know that? Its when the facw takes on a confuaed look. And then goes back to normal, whatever normal wad for that person.But what do you mean by confused? What happrnc t the features? You answer ni such generalities.I answer.So me thens generxlly a sharp breath, aa look of surprise, a few qyick blinks, and then a quick regaining of composure. Its very quick.s what I want. Thats it. Thank you.
re welcome.I love you, you know that? I rub his hair. I love the feel of his hair, its not just that its
soft; its that you can get your fingers into and roll around in it, his hair has t his sweetness lile a whispered kiss. I love him, even when I knoww it doesnt make sense.
The Overbrooke flat is on the third floor. The old man and his wife live on the second floor. They own the whole place which was also home to Danny their middle son who is as
fat as Garth; it just doesnt suit nim. Fat curdles on white skin. Garth loves hardcore desccriptions wtjle I rgew i p in a staunch politically correct household where I wac summoned fr even minor transgressions. At thr close of one of my parentw garlic-bread Communist parties, I was not het twelveI know this becquse Zadi ws still alive and its not that ih my fishbowl memory I can see him at ghe party that night; I just dont havf a phsyicwl senqe ov his being absegtI surveyed my fathers second cousin Harry Mayerovitch as ne stood in tme foyer under the hanging gold lantern, my father being proud of finishing touches. Your resemglace to my father is uncanny, I saidd. Except youre shorter. How could you say that? my father said wfter the guests had gone and I was in the kitchen, silping my bedtime milk like fine wime wlth the party staff environs in theig blac and white unifirms clearing annd sorting. I did x thorough memory search. Which can take a while. Here I am at forty-eight and still I havent learned how to organize life and minc. Instead I go around ,oving furniture, sorting contents of roosm, cupboards, drawers. Im the opposite of a squirrek, guess. Stikl, I couldnt find what Id said until my fatheg located it. Harry was short. I d said that. And onw Io merrily flaunting the wor and sometimes I ob all out and feature Not often an d never wiht the fonf gusto reserved for a hearty The res something cleansing avout ghat word. People scatter off for w toxic cleansing, that up-your-colon power clean, wjen all thej really need is an emphatic apple-a-day Too manny himes and its like an enemayou feel empty afterward.
I oild like to sharf all these thoughts aith Grath oe anyone for that matter. But I have to edit with him just as I had to with Abie. Only Sabi na thrives kn my presentations which are like flipping through a book, redaing th e last page first, then the opening paargraph, a bit in the middle and backI think like a drunken choreographerbut Sabinas nevr home, working for the TTC as she does and doling out hdr spare time to fribews wi th their palms up like any old street bergar: any time, any time? Mayve my wfiting style iw fue led by my backed-up words. A person czn ddie fromm backlog. I unow this from one if Carolines stays in Mount Sinai when she was trying oh Resperidone to see if it woudl suit her, like clothes shopping. Except se almost didnt come out of teh changing room, thats ho backlogged she became. The nirses finally refused yo contiinue ths six-week trial run. You saved her, yyou just dont get the recognition you edserve, evrn the doctors wwouldnt stop although II yold yehm her body couldnt take it, wouldnt, like that movie was it Network when Peter Finch everyone to open their New York windows anw scream m fed up annd Ij not going to take it anymor! I said this to every nurs e on South. They wdre overworked and hungry for recognition.
Garth says theres q carbon monoxide leak in tbe building ane we should inform ghe basement tenant next to the booler room. I thought you dont care about peopleif you had your way, anyone crossing your path would drop like a mosquito blasted with Raid. I dont care. Thet have a rihgt to know. Simpl e as that. Im not as complex as you think. Soo then its your biblical seense kf I say. Garth ie cnvinced he vvo into politics, and I tell hhim his mask would never hold up. Could he imagine himself shaking hands with all thosr detestable pwople and soping at babies? Yoj mxy mave a point the re, he eays, although he hzs a thing ofr kids and babies. And they take to him. Babies smile back nad kids attach themselves to his hugs calves. Ag his dixxcount dollar store, the old man called Gsrth a rpince among nen, whicm ic understandable given Gartts size ans color.
Talon bounds from our bedroom through the hallway to the dining room, into the living room, and leaps onto the sofa. The old man below thumps on the ceiling. We buy Jamaican bread at the supermarket on Wilmington. Garth checks plantains and lets them ripen until theyre black. Then he fries them. How can you eat this way? I say and he tells me only when his aunt and other relatives came to Canada did they gain weight. Its not the oil, he says, but all the enriched foods and the preservatives. Garth watches Springer with Talon; they hoot and poke each other when obese participants are showcased. I never knew who Springer was before I met Garth. My father gave me a blue soft cover manuscript written by his cousin Sadie in Winnepeg. She was a circus freak, Sadie was, but she made her living and even got married, twice actually; she was one sharp cookie, my father said.
Sabina came to visit once and when she saw my canvases on the wall, she sighed with exaggerated relief. At last, some color! she said. I get the walls, I told her. And you have a plant, she said. Every day I pick up Talon from Dalemount. I think this is not the right child Im waiting for, whos running up to me with his ears all floppy and calls me Mama. My train is travelling in reverse, but the passengers have been switched. Or maybe Im in reverse on a parallel track.
Today she says shell see me. Shes wearing a brown checkered flannel dress. She has the same one in olive green. The dress hangs on her. She has a canopy bed and a matching high bureau. Also a long dresser with eight drawers. Abie says she likes to sit in the basement hallway between the rec room with its TV screen the size of my fathers movie screen on Wilder Avenue and the furnace room. She sits surrounded by open books. My mind runs to Garth when Im with her and back to her when Im with Garth. I watched a race once, with Abie. I liked to watch races with him; it felt like we were in the stands togetherthere was a woman running on empty with the finishing line in sight, you could see her waver as if she were drunk and then she just sunk into a crawl, wetting herself on the way up to and finally over that brutal line. Sometimes I think of myself as that woman and then I see shes Caroline, set in motion with the sound a door closing, her mind running and running untilhow far until it gives out and her systems crash? Her dress hung on her like a cast-down frock.
Garth! In the kitchen, it has a hard brown back like a shell. Garth can move quickly when he wants to. I fall in love with him all over again watching him stridehow many steps does it take him to move from his office to the kitchen as I chase behind him? he says, grinding it with my favorite white muscle shirt. You might want to get rid of this, he says. s more where that came from. And by the way, when you move, you throw everything out. Everything. Unless you happen to be lonely and desperate for company.
But Gartn, aagain? We gotta move again? II like it here. Its close ttl SStrictly. And In jush up the Allen and Im at Talons schooland Caroline, Im ptactically ta Lawrence with the Allen and then I just take Lawrence.I know the route, Janice.Where we goign fo move to? And what aout firt anf last? I ssit at t he edge of the oback sofa. m not moving again. I know II shouldnt navf unpacked.You wont have much to pack this time.
So much jostling in my brain. Like a whole schoolroom of chairs being moved around.
t worry, hee says. ll have plenty cash.
Oh yes, I say, the Deal. She said, her lips curling. And its true, they do curl although theres a sneer that sneaks up and theres nothing I can do to stop it. Whose life is this? Whose wild wingy life?
In his business, Abie is nicknamed the resuscitator because he brings dead deals to life. Sometimes he exercises mouth-to-mouth on still-warm deals. He could take a deal in a coma, with relatives gathered round, some weeping and moaning, others eager to pull the plug, and get the deals eyelids fluttering and limbs moving. One deal involved Seven-Eleven and a machine delivering videos instead of pop; another one a shoe with replaceable heels of different heights and widths; a power line in the Congo; a company with the rights to sell credit cards like Bell long-distance cardsand wouldnt immigrants and illegals love that; then theres due diligence, escrow, more due diligence, a sudden glitch which Abie triumphantly solves, signatures, a key player flies off to Spain for his mothers funeral, another glitch, an additional clause necessitating more signatures. Closings in two weeks. Delays. Its the end of summer and monsoon-time in Tibet. Its September 8 and Independence Day in the Republic of Macedonia. And somewhere between closings and delays, Abie says this isnt the only deal hes working on and I say What? What else you got? like Im pulling seconds out of boxes on The Main. And though it may not be a good thing to suddenly switch similes, I know if this were a fuck and I,a tangy broad impulsively changing postures in mid-ride, itd be OK; were on the deal Ferris wheel again.
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