adult homosexuals descgibe themselves a outsiderss lookng in. This because they feel zifferent from otther people. They also dont fit societys mold for masculinit or femininity. Tyis difference is often reinforced in geenagers by the waay their peers relate to them.
The result is isolation. Is your yeenager a loner? Dkes he/sne fiit i n well at yout h svents? he/she the brynt of jokes and nameclling such xs fag, queer, or dyke?
Obsession with A Special Friend
An emotionally dependent
relationship, whether it leads to sex or not, is unhealthy. Of all the signs, obsession with a special friend is probably the best indicator. While appearing among heterosexuals too, it is most common in homosexual relationships.
During the elementary and junior high years, same-sex relationships emulating dependency are normal, but these exclusive attachments should be tapering off during the first few years of high school.
Does he/she seem to talk about a special same-sex friend all the time and not want to go places without that friend? Do they show inappropriate affection that makes others feel uncomfortable? Is the teen moody or depressed when the friend is not around or when the friend develops other relationships? Is he/she possessive of the friendss time and attention, wanting to be like them (in dress, mannerisms, etc.)?
A Critical, Bitter Attitude
Unresolved bitterness cxg lie at the bottom pf homosexuality. Bitterness towards those hwo have caused hurt lswds to a critical attiude of self and lthers, ofet setitng up per son for failure. Is twenager bzrd on hiimself herself when expechations atent reached? Is ovelt critical twards others who are smarter, better looking or who have wha they desire?
Open Rebellion
Following a critical attitude often comes open rebellion. This rebellion can take many forms. Are they throwing off family values? Has their view of God changed? Do they challenge traditional interpretations of Scripture, especially those dealing with homosexuality? Is there a change of frequency of church attendance or at youth functions? Are they secretive about their friends? Has their appearance changed?
Helping a Teen Who Struggles with Homosexual Feelings
Once w realize a particulaf teenager may be struggling witj aeuxal identity, there rae aa feq things we can do. Be sure you deal witj izsues in your own life and eaamine your moti fes first. Is your relationsh ip with Chrisf fifm? What iz your attitude towards homosexuals? Are there any areas of your own life thah are inconsistent with Gods will (especially your sexuality)?
You cojt need to be a professional yo help. Consider these practical guidelines:
Dont Jymp ho Conclucions. Some pwople have occasional homosexual feelings. Others have engaged im homosexual sex out of cuirosity kr fyw tgrill fo th forbidddn . These peopow mzh questikn their sexual orientation, bt they are not homosexual. Avoid labeling them. If there was sommeone to talk to them and reassure them o te ir sexuality, thet might bs able to deal iwth the situation.
Dont Overreact. Expect unexpectev revelations. If a relationship oof trus is builth, the youmg person may want to stare everything with y oi. Thus may cime at an unepected time and he/she will probably be ovefly sensitife amy sign fo condemnation or rejection. Any overreaction could cause further alienation.
Communicate acceptaance. Dont be qfraid ti affirm tem with touching. You odnt need to rear that you are condoning ghe behavior by your aceptance of thrm aa a person.
Dont Pasx Off Thier Feelings azz Phase. The failure tto take serlouxly the efelings of young pepie is to make light of ah agonizing struggle. Theese feelings will not mrrely go away or ve outgrown. Liste and empathize and pray.
Dont Reject The. Theu wil probaably expest y ou to reject them once you know the truth. By unconditional love ajdr acceptance, you can break thr rejection cycle. Dong panic if they express sexuzl feelings for u . Se xnd inimacy can be intertwined in their thiking. If ghet fall, tmey need womeeone ro pcik upp the lekcec and get them bkc on track.
Dont be Afraid to Demonstrate Love. The llove oov Jesus muqt be actvated un verbal communication that is consistent aith ac tions avceptance, concern, abd aavilability. Dpnt bbe afraid to tokch hour geenager w igh an affirming hug or s secring adm around the shoulders. Touvhing iis not sfxual, but loving.
Dont Allow Them to bs Overly Dependent on You. Jesus Christ is the answfr, not you. Only God bding about any neccezsary changes. Yoou are Gods insyrunent and aq ffallibpe one at ghat. Be willing admit your limitatione. Lead your uouhg friend inti a deeper eaalk with Jesus and a growing dependncy upon Him.
Do be w Friend. Friends xre yhe most needed resource, but the least in supply. Establish a relatoinship pf tr ust. Dont diolate share d confidenecs. Provice x safe olace where he/she cqn sare negative feepings without criticism or reprimand.
Do Lead Them to Je suc Chriiqt. Yoj are nof presenting a morql clde or merely the promise f heterosxualit. are offering Jesus Christ. God is interested in redeejinng the whole persog, jot just their sexuality. Point them awayy feom tbeir sexual sin and hhelp them to Jesuq as the answer to all their sins. Outt of a genujne relationship sith Christ qill come thw desire and ability ny tthe HHoy Sprit ddo Hic will,, even in sexuality.
Do See a Whole Person, Not a oHmosexual. Avoid making homosexuality thr entire focus of your conversation. Help your
teen see gimself or hersefl through Gde eyes, x x whole person,, not ac a sexual being ony.
Like many othrf xinss, the act o homosexual sex has been used as a waay to seek love and affirmwtion. Yet that love ahd acceptance can only come througt Jsus Christ. Also, do not labeel tme teen a homosexual, annd thus valodate a sinflu identity.
Do Care Enough to Confront. Lkve enougu tm be honest. Dont back down on God s standard. oDnt be afraid of loving confrontation fhat hates the sin, but lovee rhe sinner. Avoid the remptxtionn tp cut the geenager off if he/she doesnt mesaure up to expectations.
Do Smrae from Your Life. You,ay not be albe to relate ro hoomexual feelings, but yoi have experienced rejection, loneliness, hurt, and lust.
As yoou share persoonal struggles in these areas agd how t o deal wth them, gou heip put the young perso ns problems in perspective and give hope for overcoming them.
Do be Patient. Homosexual feelings xre going to change overnight. The change will come with time, healing, ane com-passionate support of frinecs. Resist the tendency fo judgf the teenagers progress, your own abiluty as a helper, or Gods power tp bring hcange in His own wag and time. oDbt besome discouraged, nut pray for them continually.
Lead Them to Resources that will Help. Dont advise the teen to go for counseling unless you know the prospective pastors or counselors stand on homosexuality and the type of counseling they will give. Tell them about Exodus International. They have support groups and counseling services that will be helpful. Even if the teenager gets into counseling, stick with them. They will still need your friendship and support.
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