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Mad Shark

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 23:29 + в цитатник


Ловим овец)

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 23:27 + в цитатник


Игруха "Поймай червяка")))

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 23:21 + в цитатник


Мини-подборка)

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 15:23 + в цитатник

Lost rake

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 14:06 + в цитатник
A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower upstairs.
The man realises that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife at the bathroom window, "Where is the rake?"
She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"
The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee, and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?!"
The man repeats his gestures. "EYE KNEE...THE RAKE"
The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch. Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the friggin' hell was THAT?"

She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH."

Choir boys (жесть))))

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 14:04 + в цитатник
The priest of a small Irish village was very fond of the ten chickens (plus one cock rooster) he kept in a hen house behind the house.
One Saturday night, the cock rooster was missing, and as that was the time the priest suspected cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to say something about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, “Has anyone got a cock?” All the men stood up.
“No, no,” he said. “That wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?” All the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said. “That wasn’t what I meant, either. Has anyone seen a cock that doesn’t belong to them?”
Half the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said. “Perhaps I should rephrase the question:
Has anybody here seen my cock?”
All the choir boys stood up.

Definition of confusion

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 13:42 + в цитатник
Q: What is the definition of confusion?
A: Twenty blind lesbians in a fish market.

Rottweiler

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 13:40 + в цитатник
Q: What's got four legs and an arm?
A: A rottweiler.

Pessimists

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 13:39 + в цитатник
Q: How many pessimists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's probably screwed in too tight anyway.

Light on

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 13:37 + в цитатник
Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can get to sleep with a light on.

Freudian analysts

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 13:33 + в цитатник
Q: How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to change the bulb and one to hold the penis,I mean ladder.

Как НЕ НАДО фотографировать кошек))))

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 12:04 + в цитатник
Это цитата сообщения Iska_La [Прочитать целиком + В свой цитатник или сообщество!]

:) ) как НЕ НАДО фотографировать кошек ))))

 (450x338, 56Kb)

Это ТЕМААААА))))

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 11:53 + в цитатник
Это цитата сообщения Nedomolvka [Прочитать целиком + В свой цитатник или сообщество!]

одежда для компьютера и его владельца =)

Эти вязаные «кофточки», «свитера» и другие предметы сами по себе выглядят странно. Но как же глупо они смотрятся, когда одеты на вас и компьютер… Это уже кажется безумством.
Увидев человека, сидящего в такой непонятном виде, можно решить, что он спятил.

>>>

Потрясно!!))

Вторник, 22 Апреля 2008 г. 11:13 + в цитатник
Это цитата сообщения Замурррчательная [Прочитать целиком + В свой цитатник или сообщество!]

Обзор №354 - J.K.Kliban

http://www.ljtop.com/cat_world_by_j_k_kliban_193430989.html
на Лиру встретила этих котов в дневнике MariiaSi

1
 (500x375, 68Kb)
click

Житель Астраханской области украл у соседа дом

Понедельник, 21 Апреля 2008 г. 14:55 + в цитатник
13:02 (21 апреля)
Житель Астраханской области украл у соседа дом
Житель села Евпраксино Приволжского района Астраханской области задержан по подозрению в краже жилого дома у своего соседа, сообщил представитель пресс-службы областного УВД. «Заявление о краже поступило в милицию в конце марта от жителя села, который после четырехмесячного отсутствия вернулся в родное село и обнаружил на месте своего дома лишь фундамент», – сказал источник.
По его словам, в минувшие выходные оперативники задержали соседа потерпевшего по подозрению в совершении этого преступления. «Местный житель решил, что, если в доме никто не живет, его можно растащить и разобрал его на стройматериалы, которые сложил у себя во дворе», – сообщил представитель пресс-службы, отметив, что в отношении задержанного, скорее всего, будет возбуждено уголовное дело по статье «кража» (максимальный срок – до трех лет тюрьмы). // РИА «Новости»

http://www.gazeta.ru/news/lenta/2008/04/21/n_1209298.shtml

Позитив на понедельник

Понедельник, 21 Апреля 2008 г. 13:50 + в цитатник

Definition of confidence

Понедельник, 21 Апреля 2008 г. 12:46 + в цитатник
Q: What is the definition of Confidence?
A: When your wife catches you in bed with another woman and you slap her on the ass and say, "You're next!"

Blonde at school (ыыы)

Понедельник, 21 Апреля 2008 г. 12:41 + в цитатник
A blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and
says: “Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other
girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 ! That’s
good, innit?”
“Yes darling, very good.”
“Is that because I’m blond?”
“Yes darling, it’s because you’re blond.”
Next day, the girl comes back from school and says: “Mummy, today at
school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D,
but listen to me: A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K ! That’s good, innit?”
“Yes darling, very good.”
“Is that because I ‘m blond, mummy?”
“Yes darling it’s because you’re blond.”
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: “Mummy, today we went
swimming, and well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at
me!”
She proceeds to flash her impressive 36 D chest at her mum. “Is that
because I’m blond, mummy?”
“No darling, that’s because you’re 28.”

Метки:  

Heaven and Hell (поучительно)

Понедельник, 21 Апреля 2008 г. 12:25 + в цитатник
One day, while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Director was tragically hit by a bus, and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

“Welcome to Heaven,” said St. Peter. “Before you get settled in though, it seems we have a problem. You see, strangely enough, we’ve never once had a Human Resources Director make it this far, and we’re not really sure what to do with you.”
“No problem, just let me in,” said the woman. “Well, I’d like to,” replied St. Peter, “but I have higher orders. What we’re going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in.”

“Actually, I think I’ve made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven”, said the woman. “Sorry, we have rules...” And with that St. Peter put the executive in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell. The doors opened, and she found herself stepping out onto the putting green of a beautiful golf course. In the distance was a country club, and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with - and they were all dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her.

They ran up and kissed her on both cheeks and they talked about old times. They played an excellent round of golf, and at night went to the country club, where she enjoyed an excellent steak and lobster dinner. She met the Devil, who was actually a really nice guy (kinda cute) and she had a great time telling jokes and dancing. She was having such a good time that before she knew it; it was time to leave. Everybody shook her hand and waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.

The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and she found St. Peter waiting for her. “Now it’s time to spend a day in heaven,” he said. So she spent the next 24 hours lounging around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had a great time, and before she knew it, her 24 hours were up and St. Peter came and got her.

“So, you’ve spent a day in hell and you’ve spent a day in heaven. Now you must choose your eternity,” he said. The woman paused for a second and then replied, “Well, I never thought I’d say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell.” So St. Peter escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened, she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.

The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her. “I don’t understand,” stammered the woman, “yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now, all there is is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable.” The Devil looked at her and smiled.
“Yesterday, we were recruiting you,” he said, “today you’re staff.”

Wheely bin

Понедельник, 21 Апреля 2008 г. 12:19 + в цитатник
A bin man is going along a street picking up the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart.

He gets to one house where the bin hasn’t been left out so he has a quick look for it, goes round the back but still can’t see it, so he knocks on the door. There’s no answer so he knocks again.Eventually a little Japanese bloke answers ...

‘Harro !’
‘All right mate, where’s your bin ?’
‘I bin in toilet !’
‘No mate, where’s your wheely bin ?’
‘OK, I wheely bin having a wank !!’


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