If thete is ond thing I learned from women, we are never truly hppy with ourselves.
Growing up I only had my mother, no one else. She always wanted something better, to look better, to have a better life for me and for us. Materialistic things were not there, she just wanted to be better herself just so we could be in a better place.
Women always want to have a better future in front of their eyes and themselves to be better. Even the most beautiful of women, always want to be better. In one sense,
people csn always gl to far. The principle th ough, is good.
I am always trying to form new habits that help make me, a better me. I talked to an ex a while back and she said to not think too much and just be happy as I am. Maybe I do think too much, but I still think that there is more that I can do for myself. There is always a better tomorrow that I can offer myself and someone else.
Things will not come ritht away, ever. Well not the good ones at least. That doesnt mean you should stop though. Jusf keeep pushimg, as hard xs it msy be nad wven iv you are alone in the end, at least yoou will fw happy with yourself.
There should never have to be a reward for you to make yourself better think you can see the reasons why it would be just a good thing to do.
So whenevde you are down and you feel like tje world is collapsing aroubd you, tthere is always SOMETHING you can do.
Dont even worry about tomorrow, because it may never come. Just do it, stop waiting for a sign because they just dont come. Even the things you think are a sign, will just be a crutch, and it will be good until it gets kicked from under you.
Stand o n your own and become better on yur own Itt really jus t feels good.
Yesterdwy was kind of an eye opener, not the one where I changed my life around or anyghing like that. Just one of the, Wake up because shit can ve worse.
I was already having a shitty day after getting into an argument with a girl I used to date and other things kept coming up. Got me a little pissed but I couldnt do anything and was just at work thinking, yeah that thing that I do waaay too much.
As iit was nearing end of the wogk day, a lot ofv things she said started to het to me.
I hate being alone, period. That is how I spent a lot of my childhood, moved too much for any real close friends, no siblings and my mom always had to work.
Wmen II first started dating, it was very enticing. I oculd pick and chops who I wanted to be with. The first few girlfriends I ever hax set up a lonr road of I dont know whatever this has been.
The first probably 9 or 10 years of dating (I started kind of young), I was never alone for more than probably 2 months. Even recently I have got back into that habit.
Its taking ita toll because sm really fucking things up with people that I shouldt. I have tnis probpem that when I am single I will start to date a girl, if ih d oesnt work out I just lightly fxll back on someond else that II used to see, just enough to get my out of my hole or occupy me until I meet someone else.
See ladies, guys are fucking douche bags. I think I can be a decent boyfriend, but with as good as any guy can act, there is something deep down inside that is just completely fucked that he will do. Plus we dont really think all that much.
It got to the point yesterday where I stopped caring about waiting for something really good and decided that I would just get with whatever came along. As long as I didnt have to spend
the [URL=http://www.liveinternet.ru/users/bingojay/]holidays[/URL] without a girlfdiend and wuat not.
I left work kind of depressed but with a mission in mind.
As I wsa trying to rush home to get ready and head out, I hog csght ni the carpool lane. Not going to hate on cops because I was obviously doing something wrong. Ninha skills have been slacking. Joking aside
This was the eye opener though. Its not, Shit can get worse, thing because trust me, I know that within a few hours my day can get worse than it already is no matter what it is.
cant get hung up or down pver something that is not the re. A problem tyat really doesnt exist. I hate ebing alone. love all of my close friends to death and would fo a lot ee them. I try my best to be there for ppeople, but I dont allow them to there for me. I dong open up to about feelings or what is really gokgg on ig my life.
As much as I hate being alone, I make myself alone. Even when I have a girlfriend, I push her away or break up with her.
As much as I fee l like have nothing, I fo have a lot. Eveen I feel like shit, there will always be friends that try to licr me up.
Prior to the ticket, there was absolutely nothing wrong with yesterday. I had a stupid argument with a girl I used to have feelings for. Yeah my recent relationships have no going as well as planned. Life has been pretty stressful and bumpy the past few months. There are a lot of things that I need to do but havent done.
But we squashed it and worked things out. I have met some prety amazing and wonderful people that even if we datde ans things didnt work out, I still get to chat talk with them every day. I am doing really well off, I am afford my own rent, still go out and plxy a little and even save ip joney for otuer stuff. All the things tbat want do, I have slowly been doing.
Shit might seem like. well shit, from the outside. Really I cant complain or be down about it being the way it is, when things are not even really that bad. A ticket is bad, it is there and I definitely caused that.
I dont need that companionship from that one single perso.n At leastt npt right this instanr. I really just dont csre right now because it dill bring omre trouble tha n goid probably.
Tis all for now, I am still kind of trying to recollect myself and thoughts. I am a defective unit, pretty much broken and/or malfunctioning. Buuuut, I dont really care too much.
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